reflections in liquid memory

I remember-

(shortly before you shattered me)

you asked a question

-how I felt-

and how I usually did

 

okay

 

here's how I feel-

not just then, but far too often

(if only I were more adaptive, right? though you damn my change...)

like or perhaps as a mirror

 

there is more of the person I am reflecting

than there ever was of me

if every aspect is to be mutable

transparent

then it is also to be empty

 

always ready for the spectacle

jade combs and cornsilk hair

so very opulent

(do you understand what you are doing?)

so very beautiful

(and how you got here?)

and a wish

to become moreso myself

through observation

 

I guess what little is left of me 

is in the handle

solid, in color and strength

not taken to bending

but still so very fragile

 

something small and beautiful

if given to overadornment

and lux compensation, of course

and certainly not meant for here

 

these meanings I derive

these morals

and all the things I grasp at with these hands of mine

have become as nothing.

every implementation of these solemn desires I champion

has failed.

 

in a world such as this

it seems it cannot be

no ethical art within this system

no study just for knowledge

people tied up like shorn puppets

engaged by broken physicalities

loving that sweet distortion

hating such revolting clarity

 

to live in such a world is to be subjugated

and at best avoid slavery by inches

 

the will of the oppressed

this time the majority,

(how ironic-)

ignored once again in favor of a mockery of fairness

 

and maybe you can pretend

that this is okay

that this was ever okay

and maybe you can tell yourself

that this is the best way

the only way

that the other options aren't practical

 

but you see, the positivity of my definition is thus;

my eyes are far too clear for that

and if that was the world I saw

I would much prefer to be shattered

 

you aren't good for me anymore

you have become the smudges on my glass

and I can no longer see with you here

 

it's a little late, maybe

but...

that's how I feel.

 

 

 

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