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My grandmother’s ceramic clowns

-My grandmother had this ceramic clowns standing at the top of every drawer in the house; they used to stare at me like if I was an insignificant mouse. Every time we went to see her on her, I was frightened because of those scary eyes, those eyes that were just waiting for me to get there, every hour, every day, every week for a whole year. That same year, when my father was notified about my grandmothers untreatable cancer, I had a new fear when we went to see her, the fear was no longer on the clowns, the fear was on the possibility of getting there one day, and not being able to see her wake up again.  The clowns that I so long feared became my friends, somebody I knew my trust I could lend.  For days, weeks and moths I kept on bonding with those pieces of ceramic even though I knew they were not responding. My dad was so scared and tired, I didn’t wanted to be no charge for him, so I decided to stay quiet and calm although on the inside I was a time bomb. The months passed and what we most feared happed one morning of February, my grandmother’s name was on the newspaper’s obituary.  In her home funeral the looks of everybody on me were the looks of pity, while my clown friend’s look made me feel guilty. The objects I once rejected became connected to me and in some way to that love my grandmother reflected for that clown collection. When she had a problem she started removing the dust from the clowns from their silly shoes their colorful crowns. Without knowing that they were going to be the greatest memory I was going to keep from her. To this day those clowns are still standing up on those drawers, some of them broken by the next generation of cousins that loved playing on the hall with a ball, but the bigger ones got on the chore of pasting them back together. For our parents those clowns don’t mean much, but for my cousins and me they are the image of my grandma cleaning them up and kicking us out of from hall to the patio and she just looking on the window. I will always remember my grandmother with that lovely look on her eyes that even with the shiners caused by her sickness remained there for my father, all my family and me.