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Dear Brother
The reason I left is because I needed to better my life
get out of the place i was staying
I never invited you over because I live in a one bedroom motel with another person
I was getting into heavy drugs again
the person I moved in with with was one of jake sheldons friends.
my friend that died on Robitussin while driving trying to evade the cops.
he was into coke heroin methadone and abused amphetemines
the reason I moved in with him in the first place is because he knew justan
I never learned how to cope with death.
especially after rehab when many of the people i met in Brighton died from from drug overdoses
I did heroin once when i lived in the motel.
it was my breaking point.
It was my bottom It was my lowest point i allowed myself to get too
I didn't want to to do it in the first place.
a neighbor brought it over and i felt trapped so I snorted it.
I did not plan on leaving so abruptly.
but i needed too.
I had to break a new addiction.
because i started withdrawing from it once it got out of my system.
I did not leave the family behind.
I Had to leave because I needed to be around a place where I knew people.
I went back becuase I needed to be clean and I was close to overdosing in the hotel.
I didnt want to be in the same place i was a year ago. in a psych ward from trying to commit suicide
i am sorry about your aunt passing I know what it feels like to loose people close to you.
I know it hurts and makes you want to give up and makes you really think on how much you value life.
I am sorry I just ran. I didnt mean to run from you in a time of need. I am sorry.
Its ok to cry its ok to feel as if nothing will get better ever again. its ok becuase its normal.
It will fade over time. I care about you more than you could understand. the past year I did my best to look out after you
even tho I am terrible at looking out after myself.
I am not mad that you blew up at me for me not being there in your time of need. I understand. Completely.
You lashed out on everything. I did too when I found out justin died. everyone looses people. People move away.
people come back some people dont. I plan on coming back. you are my brother, The past year we went through some hard shit.
You saved my ass a couple more times than I would like to admit and the same goes for you. I also had some of the best memories when we went and did whatever the fuck we did. we are family. becuase I moved does not mean I will be gone forever again.
I have been coming back every so often. I get drug tested at work. and I need it becuase it keeps me sane. I got a girlfriend that I really do belive she is here for a reason. she actually is the one to put me up to this, I talk highly of you and no matter where you are or what you are doing the days and nights we spent the past year will always be there. they wont go away. I know It was fast. but I am more of a drake than a hoffman. I want to help you through your tough times becuase you helped me through mine. I am sorry I moved. I regret it most days. but I needed it. I have been working full time and been busy full time. Just know that I didnt cast you aside and no matter what you think of me I wont be able to cast you aside. Its who I am. You are my family. I know what you are going through, I know its hard to talk about. I know you have been caged up this whole summer. I was last summer in hospitals rehabs meeting psych wards. and it was horrible worst time of my life. I felt so unproductive useless and meaningless. stuck in a place for 90 days with very few visitors. Time screwed me over. I had no idea how long i was there all i know is it really fucked with my head. Im not sitting here trying to cry to you and ask for sympathy I want you to actually open up and talk to me about what is going on. Anything you feel or think is not abnormal dont bottle it. just say it as choppy and screwed as it may sound it will helpto know somone relates to some of the things you go through. Not a day goes by where i think about the year we spent together, I miss itmore than anything. I want to live both lives right now. I want to incorperate you intro my life over here as you incorperated me in your life over there.
Devon I understand you hate me. I can name more reasons than you can to why it would be a good reason to hate me.
but I cant find one damn thing about you that will makes me want to disperse from your life.
you think It eneded quick and fast I know. well you think me being in fowlerville eneded but it has not.
I have been going there as often as I can. I wont leave you behind I never will. I never have.
Things will brighten up someday i know it. Just try to control yourself.
you will be able to get though what you are going through.
and I didnt abandon the familily. I am trying to get my ass back in college.
