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Happy Birthday. (Growing up is hard to do.)
I must say I don't feel anything at all.
I am no longer a kid now.
for what its worth, I can't shake these bad habits.
Its time for me to,
to grow up now.
No more suffering from self despair.
Congratulations for making it this far.
I must say I don't think everything will be okay.
Whats next now?
I am still in this house. Im not on my feet,
still crawling through caves of my subconscious.
Reoccurring nightmares of holes and caskets.
AM I better? I do feel far worse.
what do I do now. I feel so immature for what its worth.
These are my reflections as I stare at my reflection.
My young heart and youth disappeared like the morning light.
Still I am in this position. Gritting my teeth.
doing every possible thing to try and relieve myself with a bit of satisfaction.
growing up is hard to do.
I don't think I can manage. I still somehow have my child's heart through all of this.
I got a mean work ethic and a tissue box full of fallen dreams.
Not all is lost. I wont allow myself to ever say that.
I am managing. I guess. I am not sure of myself anymore.
I just want to leave a lasting impression.
remembered. thought of. spoken highly of.
so far its been the opposite. I am a ghost in my own skin.
lets leave these pacing thoughts for another day.
After all it is my birthday.
