PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I don’t know if I love you and I don’t know if I hate you.

I say I have a selective memory, but that isn’t true.

I remember things of you I don’t want to. Things that shouldn’t ever have been in my memory in the first place.

These memories interfere with not only my daily living, but with my sleep.

Even if the dream isn’t about you it’s a dream about someone else I love hurting me.

And when I wake up I feel miserable because in the dream I was enjoying it.

I realize this and start to hate myself all over again.

I think my mind is self torturing.

Everything about you confuses me.

And I confuse myself.

Because if the me in my dreams enjoys what was happening in those dreams does that mean I enjoyed what happened in reality?

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it.

My memory starts to warp but not fade.

Me starting to physically get tired from my own anxiety.

Me starting to lose my happy memories; turns into unsettling ones.

This self torture is getting exhausting.

I can talk about it, but it gets nowhere far.

It’s like trying to see something that isn’t there.

You see it, but the other person doesn’t.

I’m tired….

Memories getting stronger,

Me getting weaker.

Nowhere to run; running in circles in my own mind.

Going nowhere in my own mind.

This self torture is going everywhere but never going sane.

BY: Marisa Chau