Cease Fire

Cease Fire

December 8, 2012

By Taylor Springs

 

please stop shouting

I can hear you just fine

I’ve got two ears

and a capable mind

 

your words

they hurt

I’m crying now,

cease fire!

 

we’ve battled

we’ve fought

I still think you’re wrong

but if I surrendered,

would you cease fire?

 

I haven’t hit back

with hands or with tongue

I’ve fought every battle

each day, since we were young

 

I’m torn between protecting you

and doing what is right

I’ve held you up for so long

but I am getting weak,

and you are getting heavy

 

I once was one

but now I’m two

with every word or slam of the door

I break into three and four

stones and sticks?

five and six

I lose myself

around eleven and twelve

 

I finally yell

I finally scream

I say

“If you can’t quit, I’ll leave!”

Pause

            Silence

                        Crickets

                                    Breath

 

Waiting for your choice was a mistake

because you only begin again

 

with every syllable, my heart aches

with every sentence, it breaks

 

why did I believe you were different?

what did my gullible heart want to believe?

what has my broken heart learned?

 

your words haunt me now

even they couldn’t make you stay

the sweet whispers in the night

were nothing but a lie

 

and I only heard the truth

when you were yelling at me

 

I’ve only made the bittersweet choice

of letting you leave

to prove to myself

that you aren’t what I need

 

I need to be better than the me you created

There’s a monster within you that I can’t ever tame

 

I struggle with change

and our battle was so comfortable

it seems we never solved that first fight

 

our constant debate grew tiresome

and the wounds grew deep

so I’ve decided it’s only best

if I leave

 

I’m going to look back, of course

for fear of what I’ll see

you once were somebody I deeply loved

but time has created a demon I cannot tolerate

One last glance from this far away

and I hear the muffled words

mangled by distance

All I can tell is that you are still yelling

I’ll always wonder, why do you do that?

Does it calm the storm inside?

Are you trying to drown out your own fears,

or bring mine to life?

Can’t you write or cry instead?

I only wish you’d let your pain and anger be free

Using something

other

than

Me.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

A combination of an ex boyfriend and my dear brother. I think this one is universal, for anybody who has ever experienced abuse. Whether it be emotional, sexual, or physical. I care about these types of people deeply and feel we carry a different weight than others might. Good luck on your travels, and my thoughts are with you.

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