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Alone for the rest of my days
I like to keep busy
I'm alone in my thoughts
When I stop moving
I can't control the way I feel
My intuition tells me not to trust you
My heart says to look the other way
I can't help the way i feel
I can't help the way you make me feel
I feel lost
unloved
alone
I feel like anyone other than me
takes precedence
I feel like I don't matter
Why am I here
Why did I have to find all of these things?
The text messages
The flowers order
The sent money
The messages from family saying your up to no good
I was so happy in love
I am not that same girl anymore
I never will be
I feel like a fucking failure
Like a fucking joke
Never enough
Always wanting more
Is it too much to ask for love
For a real thing
To feel enough
I use to
Then reality set in
never to be the same
I don't get an answer about anything
leaving me more in despair
Not trusting
Not loving
Leaving me wounded from your mistakes
I feel so fucking sad
I feel you don't even notice
My tears
My expressions
My discussions
You haven't even noticied
Thats one of the worst parts
You think I'm fine
When really i'm fighting back my tears every day
every moment
afraid i've lost me
i've lost you
lost my family
lost everything i thought i wanted
now I just want to feel
feel loved
feel heard
feel important I still notice things and it doesn't phase me
I know where I stand
I wish you could see that i am who you need
I wish you could see that we are meant for eachother
I wish I could see that I'm not treated well
I deserve better
I deserve to be happy
Not in sorrow
I want to change
I don't know where to start
I wish you could change and grow with me
I don't see that happening
I'm a fucking mess
I am spiraling out of control
afraid of my thoughts
afraid that I don't know what I want
I don't know what I need
I'm miserable
dying
bleeding
with so many emotions I can't place
I can't speak
I hold my tongue
I can't discuss anything with you
for fear you will yell
fear you will lie
fear you will make excuses
fear that you will leave because I want to communicate
I am a zombie going from day to day
finishing my routines
when will there be time for me
When will i feel enough
when will I be enough
I want you to see me
Not through me
Look me in the eyes
Tell me I look fine
Tell me you love me
Tell me we will be alright
Tell me the truth and we will work it through
This is a ficticious thought
Nothing will change
Left to feel alone for the rest of my days
