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Sally: Who the hell is that?



Betty: Who, her?



Sally: Yeah, the one with the hair.



Betty: Oh, her.



Sally: Yeah?Who is she?



Betty: Oh. Um. No idea.



Sally: Did she know him?



Betty: Doubt it. But who cares? This is a teenage funeral. The social event of the season.



Sally: Man, I can?t believe he died. Fell down right in the middle of the Bon Ton.



Betty: Yeah, I know, what a girly way to die.



Sally: I can?t believe he even showed up. I mean I?d be so embarrassed if that?s how I went.



Betty: Man, I know. When I die, I totally want to be fighting off ninjas while saving underprivileged children from a gang of drug lords.



Sally: Yeah, but, how would you go?



Betty: Crossbow.



Sally: So you would bleed to death?



Betty: I guess.



Sally: That?s pretty sissy. All you?d do is get cold and pass out. Now, I would die like a man. Flamethrower to the face.



Betty: Where are you gonna get a flamethrower.



Sally: I don?t need a flamethrower, they do.



Betty: That sounds pretty unlikely.



Sally: And yours sounds better?



Betty: Well, maybe not the drug lords, but the rest is pretty good.

Sally: Program for a funeral. This is the social event of the season. I?m surprised we didn?t need tickets.



Betty: We did for Susan Carter?s last year. And we had to buy them like a month in advance.



Sally: She the one with leukemia?



Betty: Yeah. I got mine good and early.



Sally:

            Brian was a good boy. An active member of the community, helping underprivileged children.



-that?s not even a sentence-



Betty: Plus, he stole my underprivileged children bit.



Sally:

             Brian was a nice boy.



Betty: Nice boy my ass. ?Member that time I punched him in the face?



Sally: That was amazing.



Sally:

            He had a lot of potential, and, had he lived to adulthood, our Brian would have been a neurosurgeon. But his life was ripped from us, so tragically, so early, so unexpectedly?



Betty: So lamely.



Sally: And had he not tripped on those faux fur stilettos the Bon Ton, he would have amounted to so much.



Betty: Look at that fat lady crying. She kind of looks like William H Taft if you look at her from an angle.



Sally: Dude, that?s his mom.



Betty: Then I understand. But, Jesus, if my son died in the Bon Ton, I would have moved to Tennessee by now.



Sally: At least it wasn?t real fur.



Awkward silence.

Sally: Wait, wait, I thought of a good one.  So?piranhas.



Betty: Radioactive piranhas.



Sally: Anything radioactive automatically is better.



Betty: If he were to trip over a shoe, he should have at least tripped into a pool of radioactive piranhas.



Sally: Wearing funny hats. Or he could be wearing a funny hat.



Betty: At the least.



Sally: At the very least.



Awkward silence.



Betty: Where?d you get those shoes?



Sally: The Bon Ton.



Awkward silence.



Sally: Man, what a girly way to die.