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I am hurt by those who I can't hurt back. I am utterly embarrassed of my behavior towards them. And I could blame it on someone else, easily, and get away with it. In fact, I have been doing that unconsciously. But it is my fault, all of it. I can prevent destructive forces, but bipolar me is ignorant to my noble commands (modesty in moderation). But I see now, and I am repulsed by my previous behavior, even my current behavior: I experimented with people's minds, manipulating them. That is really bad because it causes degradation of what I am.