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Even if I could have you,

I wouldn't want you.

My heart says, "No,"

when my soul says, "Yes."



My heart aches within my chest,

to stop the pain.

I listen to what it says,

and it says, "No."



Because when I don't want you,

the world only has a little bad.

A little bit of darkness,

when the days are sad.



But these days are seldom,

and they are repressed.

To the back of my memory,

to never return again.



Instead of aching a lot,

all the time.

It only aches a lot,

every once in a while.



But I can live with that,

if it means I'm happy.

Normal and free from the torment,

this curse has caused me.



My soul cries out,

screaming the name of the one I want.

But I don't listen,

like a child I cover my ears.



I scream and sing,

to drown out the truth.

Because although my soul says, "Yes,"

my heart still says, "No!"



1/7/07