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there's always been a little voice in the back of my head that has gotten less loud and intense as i've gotten older. it's not like a hallucination or any type of distortion of thinking. it always asks me 'do you think everything would be better if you weren't alive anymore?' and sometimes just the thought kind of brings it's usual cheap rush before it's crippling crash in to the ground.
the rest is shall we say history or at least some kind of beaten up and boring kind of cliche just a little bit reworded for greater effect and as to not feel so fucking guilty for plagarism and feeding. if you take these pills in three to four weeks you will feel like life is worth living and by that i mean in simpler terms. you're getting less attractive by the year, have fewer friends, , less interesting, less everything except used up and disgusting. 4 years from 30 and i haven't achieved anything at all of any of my dreams (at least) due to having composer's block and a large chunk of that in the past being stalled due to severe drug addiction. that isn't important though. the whole tortured artist thing is getting boring and in the real world nobody cares.why try to even get ahead in the first place? i have used similar forms of torture on myself for years and years to the same effect. it like everything else can and never will be good enough.
