Goodnight Brownies

as i eat this pretzel, hundreds of people kissing at bars and clubs

made some raw brownie mix, no substitute for our sensual body rubs,

but back to the brownies - substituted water for eggs and flour,

no substitution for what we could have had, a love ago now turned sour,

i feel sick, the brownies are too sweet,

feel sick everywhere - head all the way down to my feet,

i cried rubbing a picture of us, lord how i unbelievably fucked that up,

minutes and minutes caressing that photograph, tears - runneth over the cup,

dried up with no evidence left behind,

fear school applications, fear jobs, fear i'm alone, fear the daily grind,

enough pretzels - unrealistically, from all this i desire to be free,

the panacea, the defense: self-induced insanity,

how come i'm like this? even with the best of moms, dads and sisters,

in such desolation, by comparison most others appear as A-listers,

signed up for eharmony today, i wonder why,

selected the 'somewhat' box for spirituality, why?

anyways, i'm tired and beat,

as this ends - hundreds of people kissing, energies only loneliness could possibly deplete.

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