as i eat this pretzel, hundreds of people kissing at bars and clubs
made some raw brownie mix, no substitute for our sensual body rubs,
but back to the brownies - substituted water for eggs and flour,
no substitution for what we could have had, a love ago now turned sour,
i feel sick, the brownies are too sweet,
feel sick everywhere - head all the way down to my feet,
i cried rubbing a picture of us, lord how i unbelievably fucked that up,
minutes and minutes caressing that photograph, tears - runneth over the cup,
dried up with no evidence left behind,
fear school applications, fear jobs, fear i'm alone, fear the daily grind,
enough pretzels - unrealistically, from all this i desire to be free,
the panacea, the defense: self-induced insanity,
how come i'm like this? even with the best of moms, dads and sisters,
in such desolation, by comparison most others appear as A-listers,
signed up for eharmony today, i wonder why,
selected the 'somewhat' box for spirituality, why?
anyways, i'm tired and beat,
as this ends - hundreds of people kissing, energies only loneliness could possibly deplete.