The Unravelling

I think, at what juncture is lamenting over her pernicious to myself, to recovery,

Every night I ‘get it out,’ but the basin keeps refilling, re-runs devoid of self-discovery,

Trying to simply not think about her, trying to distract myself - it’s not working,

Trying to find a replacement, failing - thoughts of her right around the corner lurking,

It’s at the point where it has to be pathological, this has to be a sickness,

Uncontrollably clinching on to a one-sided love, each of Cupid’s arrows are a quick miss,

I’m going through this alone, my one observer doing all she can - and for that I thank you Kim,

If I die, what’s left is going to you - a decision thought about at length, not a tar-induced whim,

I’m trying to find happiness, trying to create happiness, trying to find the like-minded,

Failing miserably at all, using the North Star as guidance while completely blinded,

I think it’s been so difficult for me because I don’t see this breakup as ‘justified,’

Did everything, sacrificed my morals and values, did it all - trust me I tried,

It didn’t work - I wasn’t fighting a tide, I was fighting a tidal wave,

Still I fought with all of my heart to mend us, from inception to the grave,

2 years: why can’t I erase it, replace it, Mace it, un-trace it, un-disgrace it, un-fall from grace it,

It, all those memories, everything I did with her I associate with what I do now,

I can’t seem to un-associate, ingrained like they’re my personal destruction’s cash cow,

I care too much, I feel connected too easily, I love too deeply, I build only for it to crumble,

As she systematically pulled away, drunk on her empty words, in tow I continued to stumble,

This only made it hurt more, I allowed her to do this - now ended, but I don’t feel any better,

On my outlook, on my hope for the future - this relationship will always be the ultimate sun-setter…

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