I think, at what juncture is lamenting over her pernicious to myself, to recovery,
Every night I ‘get it out,’ but the basin keeps refilling, re-runs devoid of self-discovery,
Trying to simply not think about her, trying to distract myself - it’s not working,
Trying to find a replacement, failing - thoughts of her right around the corner lurking,
It’s at the point where it has to be pathological, this has to be a sickness,
Uncontrollably clinching on to a one-sided love, each of Cupid’s arrows are a quick miss,
I’m going through this alone, my one observer doing all she can - and for that I thank you Kim,
If I die, what’s left is going to you - a decision thought about at length, not a tar-induced whim,
I’m trying to find happiness, trying to create happiness, trying to find the like-minded,
Failing miserably at all, using the North Star as guidance while completely blinded,
I think it’s been so difficult for me because I don’t see this breakup as ‘justified,’
Did everything, sacrificed my morals and values, did it all - trust me I tried,
It didn’t work - I wasn’t fighting a tide, I was fighting a tidal wave,
Still I fought with all of my heart to mend us, from inception to the grave,
2 years: why can’t I erase it, replace it, Mace it, un-trace it, un-disgrace it, un-fall from grace it,
It, all those memories, everything I did with her I associate with what I do now,
I can’t seem to un-associate, ingrained like they’re my personal destruction’s cash cow,
I care too much, I feel connected too easily, I love too deeply, I build only for it to crumble,
As she systematically pulled away, drunk on her empty words, in tow I continued to stumble,
This only made it hurt more, I allowed her to do this - now ended, but I don’t feel any better,
On my outlook, on my hope for the future - this relationship will always be the ultimate sun-setter…