2021

No matter what words I use or how I string them together, they fail to describe the feeling,

To build something so great over the course of 2 years, instantly from pyramids to cards, I’m reeling, 

 

The days aren’t getting better, time isn’t healing,

From my own life, time I keep stealing,

The vein isn’t working like it used to, starting to collapse, 

Each day I wake, add one more to the culmination of mishaps, 

I never feel rejuvenated, I’ve forgotten the experience of feeling rested,

Happiness and joy, bankrupt regardless of how much I’ve invested,

Whole body sore, weak, exhausted - day after day, unrelenting, 

Joints ache, muscles throb, for imaginary wrongs I was even repenting,

It didn’t matter, none of it mattered - with the veil gone, the relationship was just sludge,

I tried everything to save it, single-handedly tried with all my might, but your heart wouldn’t budge,

 

These are all written to the previous Elise, about her transition to this new persona non grata,

If saving our relationship was like karate, I’ve mastered the most difficult of every kata,

Only to still fail, to still lose, to still sink, 

Nothing to learn except it all hurts, positivity parched as the negative overtakes what I think,

Then it crosses my mind, would this have turned out differently if we had gotten married?

Still doomed I’d say, our once strong love - across the river Styx it would nonetheless be ferried,

The book, Whirlwind, words and wisdom, all an unwavering waste,

Changes nothing, from the facade absolutely nothing was erased,

I know the levels of happiness I inadvertently achieved while with her will likely never return,

 

I try my best daily to mask this fact, sacrifice the body in a vain attempt to appease the yearn…

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