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Stolen From Me
I sit here in this silent room hearing the words of people I know and I don't
I am all alone in this room but I hear them nevertheless
The doctor says to take the meds but they don't help anymore
They raise the dosage add more to take care of the side effects one gives me
It's a never ending cycle of "take thisone, take that one, this will calm your nerves, this will give you energy"
ENOUGH!!!!!!
I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!!
WHY CAN'T I JUST THINK
WHY CAN'T I PLAY THE GUITAR LIKE MY DAD AND BROTHER?
No I can scream but that's not useful
Nobody wants to listen to someone scream
So I drink
And Drink
Drown myself in the sorrows of my useless ability
Alone I sit, hearing those people
Those normal people
They don't hear what I do
Nobody knows
Nobody
Nobody
Face the facts I'm stuck like this
Either I deal with the pills or the insanity
I can't choose
But I sit in this room
This silent, dark room
Alone with thoughts not my own
But I have these words
Carved somewhere in my head
"The end is not near, but the beginning is over"
What does it mean
I'm stronger than I was yesterday
Hahahaha
No I'm not
I'm losing my mind more and more everyday
I need to find that somenone
That someone will know what to do when my head spins like this
Hold me, tell me it's ok, ask me to recite my poems
My deepest darkest thoughts, the ones nobody else gets to hear
She will be my one and only
Ring on her finger
Or will it be His finger
I'm so confused
I'm two people in one body
One is confused the other is scared
WHAT DO I DO?!
Their names are uinknown but known
I know who they are but they don't know me
We always fight about who we are
Where are my meds to solve this problem???
Did I take them?
Fuck it!! Let's get fucked up...
My mind is a maze, twists, turns, dead ends
I enjoy it
Nobody else does
They get lost and want out
They realize why I'm alone
Why I am the way I am
And I sit in this tiny, dark, silent room
Alone with my thoughts
Alone in my life
"The end is not near, but the beginning is over"
I know what it means, but I also don't understand it
Is it even meant for me?
Somebody has to know
Is it you?
Or you?
Or me?
When will I know?
Wanting vs Working For What Is Wanted
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Courtships through the ages, start reading and ask questions of family and your friends, their friends, anybody's friends. With girls, it usually starts with hello. Watch movie, Bennie And June. It helped me lots. (love me some Johnnie Depp).
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Merry Christmas! You must make it merry Yeah--living is hard work. And scary for a lotta folks. Suck it up and go find the happy. I watch commedians - stand up comedy to sharpen the sense of funny.
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I worked in community mental health for 6.5 years. "Go out there and get busy." I use to tell my guests from my front desk. That'spart of it, very very hard from a I Never Promised You A Rosegarden Life. And yes, I will never understand.
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Lady A
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