Breaking news!
For public distribution
Someone has leaked a list
of Donald Trump's 2024 resolutions:
1) Will continue my fight against unfair
persecution and ridiculous prosecution.
2) Will continue to financially support those
who work in the field of prostitution.
3) Will win the Presidency, if necessary,
by violent revolution.
4) Once I take office, will work toward
making a positive contribution by:
5) Eliminating all rights guaranteed
in the Constitution
5a) (Which I will replace with a more
appropriate substitution).
6) Permitting private corporations
to create more air and water pollution.
6) Prohibiting the mentioning of,
without exception, the theory of evolution.
7) Promoting fiscal policies that will result
in more people experiencing destitution.
8) Any individual who opposes these
necessary changes will be subject to execution.
Can you believe this?
This man should be locked up
in a mental institution!