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Breaking news!
For public distribution

Someone has leaked a list

of Donald Trump's 2024 resolutions:

1) Will continue my fight against unfair

persecution and ridiculous prosecution.

2) Will continue to financially support those 

who work in the field of prostitution.

3) Will win the Presidency, if necessary,

by violent revolution.

4) Once I take office, will work toward

making a positive contribution by:

5) Eliminating all rights guaranteed 

in the Constitution

5a) (Which I will replace with a more

appropriate substitution).

6) Permitting private corporations

to create more air and water pollution.

6) Prohibiting the mentioning of, 

without exception, the theory of evolution.

7) Promoting fiscal policies that will result

in more people experiencing destitution.

8) Any individual who opposes these 

necessary changes will be subject to execution.

Can you believe this?

This man should be locked up

in a mental institution!