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do you want my reality?
sometimes i wake up in the morning and lay there unmoving thinking that if i can fake myself out- the day will never begin... or i just push my eyelids together so tight, tight enough to abandon tears and replace crying for blood. oh God it hurts. and morbidly i want that pain. pain makes you beautiful (i've heard.) i've devised this plan to become pain. i want to be beautiful.
i wanted today. /bad./ i thought a lot about it while i was in my tight-eyed ritual yesterday morning. you learn something new everyday. i learned terrible things today.
you know what i fear... but you take no care unless the reflection is your own. and i subcome to your exploitation of my inability to comfront you without a paper bag attached to my mouth calming down my speedy heart-rate quickened by the thought that no matter how far i run, i'll run into a billboard plastered with my face and your slogan of the week.
i've quickened the pace while i slow down. (true to the paradox) because one may be real good at exploitation... but two are better at war. i don't want to set my alarm tomorrow because i have no need for a headstart. and while i'm laying in bed thinking, there will be no shut eyes... only counted blessings.
yah, you do know what i fear. /a slight disadvantage./ although in a twist of fate... you fear what i know. and you fear which is worse...
i learned terrible things today.
