"Nunc scio quid sit Amor . . ."
---Vergil, Eclogues, VIII
". . . to rest now in this poetry."
---Constantine Cavafy, "Comes To Rest"
(trans. Keeley and Sherrard)
1
He took his shoes off before entering the apartment, and, as
he crosses the floor you note the oversized white shirt
(provocatively unbuttoned, even at the long-sleeves' cuffs), the
baggy dark trousers, and, beneath the tattered cuffs that
pool around his feet, the semi-sheer gray socks you gave him
(despite others' prejudiced and outraged remarks that
he is a street urchin, maybe even a whore, and unworthy of you).
Not against his biracial heritage (his mother, Nubian; and
his father, a Swede, employed at the Consulate---third or fourth
secretary, and neither present any more), or the long braids
(even in your time, some called them dreadlocks); no, here in
Alexandria, those details---if even known---do not matter at
all. Those who criticize are compelled by jealousy---either
they desire his companionship for themselves, or they simply do
not want you to be a comfortable as you are with him: some
bastard always wants to cast ruin upon even the most elegant
arrangements. The little foxes always declare unreachable grapes
sour, spoiled, corrupt, unworthy of attention, and then
viciously and vociferously crush them lest their falsehoods be
disproven. You are a civil servant; you understand this
ruse, and other denials like it, very well indeed.
2
He has taken his shirt off. Now he sits reading the pages of
verse you have left for him to examine. His knowledge of
Poetry, especially the Ancients', is too extensive to be
merely prostituted, posturing. His body is sleek, slender, and
wiry---muscular without the distortion that body-builders in the
public attention not only display but attempt to extend and
expand, in order to increase the sale of tickets and their
shares of the earnings. You can think of several words to
describe his complexion---but Cinnamon speaks not only to
color, but fragrance and flavor as well; and you have enjoyed
all three aspects, intimately and repeatedly.
3
Tonight, you tell him, will follow a slightly different
theme: tonight is about him, not you; for, despite
all other exterior considerations and assumptions, you
consider him your lover, not your catamite. You bring
him to the bed, you remove his trousers and underwear:
both of you know his socks will continue to sheathe his
very shapely feet. You have taken off your jacket and
necktie, nothing more. His is the only nakedness
around which this room and, during this moment and in
your imagination, the Cosmos are centered. Your very
thorough knowledge of his anatomy, and of the nuances of
its responses to your oral and manual ministrations, will
provide him exquisite satisfaction. The three main
maximizers of sensation---two circlets of pleasure, and
one uncircumsised member (never particularly shy) are
ready and able to receive your efforts, abetted by their
other accomplices (those points on his neck and
shoulders, and under his pits; and---oh yes, the very
adolescent jewels, themselves, delicate in their pouch).
Your hand's rhythm is steady and insistent, and
your fingers' grip carefully gentle. He begins to
squirm (a poet might even say---undulate) consistently,
his body following a choreography perhaps more ancient
than civilization itself. You cannot hear his heartbeats,
but his accelerating respiration always becomes, by this
point, audible---punctuated by some very provocative
moans, as you bring him to the peak of arousal.
Then, astute to the entire sequence, you detect
beneath your fingertips, the first of contractions,
those sevenfold surges that almost seem to slam through
his entire body, even to the visible flex his feet and
curl his toes within those silk sheaths that enclose
them; and, more quickly than you can articulate a thought
about it, his sweetness (all day confecting in his
core) releases its warm and glistening iridescence.
4
He will sleep here tonight; you are most insistent
about this, and he is more grateful for the shelter.
Such beauty should not be turned out to the darkening
streets, not in this kind of aftermath. And so,
safe in your embrace and snuggled against your much
older, and much more gnarled body, he will rest
comfortably and without disturbance until morning.
You will go to the always demanding Office (Assistant
Supervisor now, some of the British bosses believe
you actually run the place), and he will wander
those places and havens that Alexandria has always
provided to beautiful young men since Ptolemy, son of
Lagus, began to expand it at the beginning of his
Pharaonic reign. Tomorrow is about as much ahead as
you will habitually allow yourself to consider:
you and your young lover, despite his relatively
few years (nineteen, just last month, and both of
you celebrated jubilantly), have lost too much, and
too many intimate companions to expect broadly
permanent futures. Once that is understood, the
erotic elegances given in the moment may be
shared and exchanged without consideration of
more than themselves. You have preserved this
awareness in so many of your poems: it is,
perhaps, the very soul that vivifies them.
Starward
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