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An inevitable eternity of nothingness
I feel so untouched.
Untouchable.
Like there’s this barrier between me and the world
and nothing can get between us.
I am in a safe zone.
Isolated and alone.
No one seems to understand me,
like my words get muffled as they make the journey through the blockade. Misunderstandings come like the clouds.
You know they are always going to come up again,
but even when they do, I can never seem to accept it.
It feels like they never go away and just
hang there over you.
Looming and glooming
and offering nothing but disappointment.
leaving you pain staked every time you try again.
An inevitable eternity of nothingness.
Sadness builds up and overflows like waves.
Every once in a while a leak sprouts,
tears squeezing their way to the surface
but all the hardship I went through never got expressed.
It built and built,
but was forgotten,
and eventually drifted away slowly
dispersing piece by piece back into the blank and dry air.
Leaving an empty hollow hole within.
And nothing can fill it.
It only once agains disappears within the dark depths
of anguish and sorrow.
Pain and suffering find their way into this swallowing hole as well,
and it’s like if Alice
never found her way out.
Never woke up from her dream.
An inevitable eternity of nothingness.
I am walking in a gaze.
But I can never wake up,
never shake it off.
Everything else put upon my shoulder and
wrapped around me is to thick.
Am I still under there?
Do I even exist?
The layers keeping growing,
keep building and I am lost.
Lost without wonder, without curiosity and hope.
Lost without everything but life itself.
An inevitable eternity of nothingness.
