Would you have done it too?


You would have done it too, “if you were me.” She was angry about leaving him, but he’s angrier about not having the chance to leave her first. “It burns to feel this curse cast upon me when I chose to ignore those who warned me about him.” She said once crying.

Nana was young and deeply in love, like anyone having their first crush. She was seventeen at the time, and Angel was on her wish list. Angel was cute and smart. He always had this perfection like art. They met in the school backyard. Her parents overlooked his personality, and that got her angry. Nana wanted them to accept him, but not badly. She loved him and his friend Andy. “I must confess they were both cute, and muscular.” When asked about having mixed relationships. Andy was a nerd but he was not like no other. He had game* in his own way, and played her like a merry go around.* Nana knew Andy was no good, but Angel was her baby daddy…”I had that image of Angel being the father of my kids. I was young thinking about that stuff, but a Puerto Rican with an Argentinean must be a good combination.” She said nervously hugging her stomach.

Angel was a good looking Argentinean with short black hair, and green eyes. Andy was a Puerto Rican so he had the typical hair faded style with the twin earrings he wore. “He was slightly smaller than Angel, but better in bed.” Nana laughed, reminiscing. She smacked Andy one time, because he wanted her to give him head*. “It was my fault I guess.” She always blamed herself. “The words I used in our conversations mislead him. He caught me off guard, and I did give him head later on when I was ready.”

They all went to the same high school in the Bronx, just one of five boroughs in New York City. Andy and Nana got used to doing crazy things, but they never regretted anything. “Life is too short to think about regrets." Instead they lived life to the fullest. She slept in his arms at given times, but it was nothing that serious. Nana was intimate with him in bed, but she never wanted a relationship. “Angel knew that I was close to Andy, but he never guessed Andy was f*cking me.” *Head: to give oral sex. *He had game: having a unique style of character. *Played me like a merry go around: to be part of many girls to one boyfriend.

After school they would chill-out in front of Nana’s building where Andy lived next door and Angel down the block. You guessed it! Since Andy lived next door she had sex with him, a lot. Nana lost her virginity to Angel though. Their first date was at the movies in Whitestone Cinemas in the Bronx. “We sat in the back where it was pitched black, and we had kissed more than watch. I loved the tension so I brought him back to my place to where we f*cked” she said with a pleasurable grin on her face. “It hurt like a b*tch, but by midway I loved every second.” Angel was soft when it came to sex. He felt that sex always had a reason. Nana just wanted to release some stress, but hearing this type of nonsense from him got her bored. That’s when Andy and Nana where hanging out more behind Angel’s back. Andy was daring, and she loved whenever he went down on her.*

Nana wasn’t the neighborhood slut or anything. She just loved having fun while still being young and all. People grow too quick, and they never get a chance to enjoy their youth. Nana’s parents always told her “Have sex when you’re married” Yeah right, like that is ever going to happen. The thought of her getting chained to one guy forever was not in her life-plan. “My mother got sad the first time she found out someone got in my pants.” She was washing Nana’s clothes one afternoon, when condoms fell out the same jeans Angel stripped off Nana one night. She slapped Nana across her face. “When were you going to tell me?” It hurt so bad that she started crying. Nana cried all night thinking how she was going to explain the lost of her virginity. “At least I kept it safe at times.” By this time, she had already slept with five guys. There was the man from the pizzeria who pressured her into giving him some head for a slice. “That must have been the worst thing I ever did.” In those days, things were rough with money. She didn’t have a job or hardly attend school. During one spring break she had a threesome with the Rodriguez brothers, who were these cute twins she had English class with one time.

*she loved whenever he went down on her: to perform oral sex.

But those days are over.

Nana had someone else to worry about. A person who would enter her life soon, and change her lifestyle forever. “I got pregnant!” Many times Nana’s mother warned her about these types of situations, but Nana never took her words into consideration. “Here I was pregnant, in my teens.” She cried. Nana was not worried about how she was going to survive, but horrified on who was the father. She slept around many times, that in fact no names came clear to her mind. “I knew I let Andy go without a condom on several occasions.” With sigh of regret. Angel knew better than risking having a kid with her while still being young. So, the only guess was Andy. “That f;king low-life b*stard I let inside me, and for what?” She thought everything was good, and nothing was going to ruin that.

Look where she landed. “I wish I could go back and chat with my mother, but instead of hearing her, I should have listened to her.” Nana’s mother was a solo teen mother who struggled to take care of three kids. Nana couldn’t imagine ending up the same way. There were many times Nana said “My plan blueprints has no fingerprints for kids”

Her mother took-care the family on welfare checks, and Ices she used to sell on the side of her apartment window. Nana didn’t like living p*or, and the image made her sick to the stomach. She was three months pregnant already, but she should have known earlier those mornings she vomited. “The fridge in my house was always empty, so I thought I vomited out of hunger. My body changed in some ways, but I thought that was side effects of having sex.” She had her fun, but she didn’t know fun can lead to sadness.

After Nana found out she was pregnant by stealing the home pregnancy test from Rite Aid Pharmacy. She called Andy. He wasn’t home, but she left him a message. “I even knocked on his door, but no answer.” Angel came to Nana’s house later that day, and he looked depressed. They went to her room where she tried to hold in the pain, and hear why he seems to be oppressed. He looked into her eyes, and said “Andy is dead; he was stabbed to death after school today.” Nana’s eyes blurred as tears fall down. “He was on his way to see you, and asked if I was okay accepting him as your boyfriend.” Angel said crying. Angel went to the bathroom to grab some toilet paper, and sat silently next to Nana on her bed. “I was saddened by this news, and about me having no father to my child.” Nana’s mother was out on the streets, and her dad was still in jail for robbery. She felt alone and scared. It was a very sad day. If her mother finds out this news about having a kid to a dead father, she would make Nana join Andy.

Two weeks went by, and all Nana felt was guilt. “If I had gone to school, and walked with Andy home maybe the killers would have shown sympathy.” Andy died for money he owed to drug dealers around Nana’s block. She was told this by Andy’s mother when she grieved his absence whenever Nana came home from the streets. Andy and Nana always came home together, but this time she came home with his unborn child.

It was time to confess the truth to Nana’s family and Angel who was always there to support her. A month after Andy’s death, Nana’s belly was hard to cover any further. It was time to let people know what’s going on inside of Nana. They were all having dinner one night when she announced, “I would like to confess something to all of you in this table tonight.” Nana was scared, and had no idea what the hell she was doing. That moment of silence was like waiting to be called next for execution on death roll. “I’ve been pregnant for the past four months, and I’m glad to say that Angel is the father.” Well, she had no other option to go with, and needed someone to support her. Angel would be the best father to this baby, and Nana’s parents have grown to like Angel better than they ever did Andy.

Nana’s parent’s reactions were indescribable, but they seem to accept the fact that she was bearing Angel’s baby, so they thought. Angel went to school everyday, and worked with his father in the Auto Parts his family owned. I guessed they thought she was going to be financially supported by Angel. If she haven’t said Angel was the father, she would have been thrown out the house, and forced to live in a shelter. “Me, live in a shelter, and go on welfare and wait for WIC checks. That would be a repetition of my mother’s past. I wanted to break that cycle of my family being on welfare year after year.” Angel was happy when he heard the news. She never saw him this happy, ever! Despite this horror ending years of her teens, Nana never regretted anything, but not having the chance to tell Andy he was the father of her baby. “I did what was necessary to survive, and that was the wise decision at the time. You would have done it too.” Would you have made this decision, if you were in Nana’s shoes?

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