Dear Steve,
This pen scratches out
On an empty white sheet
Of college ruled paper
Over a tattered book
That I only use to write on
Because nothing else is big enough
To hold all my thoughts of you
As the days and weeks and months go by
And soon, I'll be saying,
The years.
Dear Steve,
I think to myself
As I remember our lives
Growing up together
In this dirty little town
That sold its soul to commerce
While we remained true
To the individuals that we were
Even though we were troubled
By not being like everyone else
Until it finally killed us both.
Dear Steve,
I say to myself
As I half pray to God
To keep me from going insane
But then I remember
How I don't believe in God
At least, not for me
But I always ask him to take care of you
As I imagine you walking along
A lonely road so far from me
In a world that I could never comprehend.
Dear Steve,
This hand puts down
On a perfect piece of paper
As it shakes
And messes up your name
So I have to throw the page away
And start anew
With another piece of paper
And another deep breath
Fortifying my nerves from breaking down
So I can finally say what I need to.
Dear Steve,
I whisper, half asleep
I'll be alright
You don't have to catch me anymore
'Cuz I've already fallen to the bottom
I've hit the wall and jumped over the edge
But you see that I'm still here
I've taken my beating
And cried my tears
But I'm still here
Watching you watch me.
July 1, 2002