Dear Lindsay,
This is the first I've written those words
The first I've needed to
And I keep thinking
About how I shouldn't
Need to write your name
Because you belong to a past
That I've tried to put behind me
And yet I find
It's always in the present
Because you've left so many open wounds.
Dear Lindsay,
You fucked up my life
You broke my heart and soul
And you killed those around me
Who loved you most
Who loved you more than me
Because you were their angel
Their darling little girl
And now all that you are to them
And all you will ever be
Is a big dissappointment.
Dear Lindsay,
I still lie to myself
Saying maybe, they've learned to love me
For who I am
Because you're not here to love
But it only makes it worse
They still love you
More than they will ever me
And now I am just a tool
That they try to use
In order to get you back.
Dear Lindsay,
This life's a living hell
And it's all your fault
These tears I cry
Fall down because of you
You had so much to offer
You had so much to give
You had so much given to you
And all you wanted to do was take
Take from them, and take from me
Until there was nothing left to take.
Dear Lindsay,
You left me without a sister
You left me without a life
How does that make you feel?
Knowing that you took my life away
When it was just set to start
As I followed you to school
Like the loving brother I was
But that was your problem, wasn't it
It was me, all along
It was all my fault.
Dear Lindsay,
I don't want to know you anymore
I don't want to know you exist
You've hurt this family enough
For ten lifetimes to come
But still you inflict the pain
As if it were nothing to you
While we writhe in our own blood
That you've spilt
On this reddened floor
You once walked up.
July 3, 2002