I've grown up
gotten boobs.
had my first
and second
pregnancy scare.
I've been falling down drunk
and participated in an orgy
I've been an aunt
a lover
a fuck
a blow.
I've cheated,
said horrible things
to my mother,
my sister, my lovers,
and cut myself to ribbons
with a straight edge.
I've held a job
I've been fired.
I've pierced my tongue,
and my ears. twice.
worn high heels
and lacy thigh-highs
with nothing else but a smile.
I've broken hearts,
and buried loved ones.
I've traded gossipy high schoolers
for gossipy co-workers.
I've cried bitter
salty tears,
and smiled through them
to wave goodbye.
I've had an affair
with a married man
and fucked him
in an elevator
and on my couch
and floor
and my sister's back seat...
I've worn short skirts
with no panties.
I've felt guilty
and righteous.
I've watched girls take off their clothes
to Tool and Britney Spears
and enjoyed every minute of it.
I've dealt with scrutiny
and scandal.
Gone home with strange men.
And I wish I could be in love
the way I was when I was sixteen
And felt like
the whole world
would end if I didn't hear your voice.
I've read old, tattered mementos
of another life.
And I've this terrible
sinking feeling in my stomach
because I'm only twenty
and I can't remember what
being in sixteen and in love
really felt like
I've forgotten
what your voice sounded like
and your last name. but I can
remember how you smelled
and how startlingly like mine
your eyes were.
2:42 06-29-05