Author Information
Summer In Swansea
Let me set the records straight
Summer is an event on calendar
By no means weather
Especially in this city we call Swansea
It rains till your bones are soaked
And just when you think it is over
It rains even more
May be we were a tropical country
And drifted up north
When the tectonic plates
Gyrated and moved so forth
But one thing is certain
We brought the clouds along
Looming over our heads they dance
And leak like a bladder with incontinence
You know the nights are drier
Cause the sun does not come out to play
And the clouds go chasing away
But at the first hint of dawn
When sounds the cock a doodle do alarm
Before the rays touch the land
The sky jumps into this blanket of dreary bland
Raindrops fall and seem to say
Off to chores you miserable lot
Put on your wellys and your rain coats
And let not your umbrellas rot
But remember a wise man said
Every dark cloud has a silver lining
May be he was off his rocker
And missed the seasons timing
Off to work in the morning
Even the wipers move in denial
And sweep the Monday morning enthusiasm away
The weather man dons a sinister smile
Keep dreaming, it seems to say
You should have joined the two million brits
Who went away?
Now suntanned, bronzed, bikini lines on display
Your summer has yet again
Been washed away
Thank you
I take your comments on board my dear friend. It was supposed to make you laugh, I my self felt that at places it appears laboured but it was read to an audience who enjoyed it for its pun. Regarding the suntanned bodies and bikinis well you missed the line " BRITS WHO WENT AWAY" where abroad to Spain Ibiza etc.
Thank you for your comments.
Regards
Shazi
ABOUT YOUR POEM
I like the poem but my dear friend summer is a season and weather is part of a season. The dominating weather of a season is described as a climate. You have written very descriptively and somewhat 'scantily' too (Winks) while at the same time you talk about the weatherman and the tectonic plates gyrating. No normal woman would dance in a bikini in rainy weather -- or time of the calendar -- as you say. Raincoats and bikinis and tanned sun basking women dressed in semi-nude clothes having a tan during a shower? Off the mark you go...honestly speaking you made me laugh at those lines. No offence dear friend...none at all...it is an observation.
Your other off the tangent remark is that you say you are from the north. Are you? Or is the line just written to allude to the coldness or warmth in one's own being? I am pondering...
Then again you venture into versifying a poem which is defined as free verse. Why so? Poetry is, as you too know it very well, is more than just resorting to whatever 'tactic' one may -- like a layman belonging to any profession, sport, art or scientific quest. I find this not only saddening but mystifying as well. Being your true/best friend I believe that you should not strive to pen down/key down a poem. Poetry is inspiration and comes naturally. As the song by Al Stewart goes: "If it doesn't come naturally, leave it..."
Please, for God's sake, do not mistake my critique. Like I always say with lots of stress, I am your friend and being so, I simply do not like you bantering outbursts of emotions and feelings like so many so-called poets and poetesses out there, have been doing and are doing to this day. Dear Shehzad, keep your mind open and your inspiration lit up and tuned in to the call of your heart and let the poet in you respond effortlessly.... and then, trust me...a poem will come down to you as a revelation... like a blessed drizzle of God Almighty...quenching your own poetic craving and making others quench their thirst for genuine poetry while relishing all that you offer. --- Best wishes...as always.
Muhammad Naveed Ahmed.
Pen name:Emmenay.
Yahoo email ID:Ambitious7
Initials: M.N. Ahmed.