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On the hike, I fell

behind again:  a broken

branch as walking stick

and imagined company---

the others' distant laughter.

Kyakuchuu

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EXPLICATION:

I was a member of the Boy Scouts (for discretion, I will not mention the location or the troop number).  I had been a Cub Scount for three years previously, and had enjoyed the experience immensely.  Upon "graduating" from Cub Scouts, I joined the Troop recommended by the adults who operated our Cub Scout "den."  At ten years old, going on eleven, I thought this loyalty would be reciprocated, only to find out that, within the Troop, they behaved as if they scarcely knew me.  I was one of the awkward, clumsy, unathletic kids---and very often ended up having to "crawl through the mill" (the others stood in a row with their legs spread, as the selected victim crawled through, subjected to manual assault (usually being slapped on the top of the head, the back, and the buttocks; with a clenched fist thrown in from time to time, usually to the head or the kidney area of the back).  I was required to participate in two weekend campings (Friday night to Sunday afternoon), each of which featured a long Saturday afternoon hike, on which I fell very far behind because, with a loaded backpack, I could not walk as fast as expected.

Troop meetings were Monday nights, which became fill with dread for me---as my parents expected full attendance in order to maintain the appeanance of "enthusiastic participation."  I was very badly bullied in sixth grade (1969-70), and this Monday night terror added to the overall experience, as several of my sixth grade classmates were also members of that troop.  The close friendships of Cub Scouting seemed to have totally evaporated.  The older, adolescent Scouts did nothing to intervene in my dilemma, as they had deemed me "different" (both in appearance and in other aspects that I did not disclose, but that they shrewdly suspected).  Although my parents were vaguely aware of the bullying, they believed that a withdraw from the organization would be an admission of weakness that would reflect pooly on our family.

When Seventh grade began in what was then called Junior High School (I think they call it middle school, now), I began to search for some escape from the Scouting (as the laws would not allow me to escape from the daily bullying in school). 

Like other Junior Highs in the county (and, I think, probably all over our State), ours offered competitive awards for academic excellence during the third quarter of the academic year---a certificate for 3.0, a minor "trophy" for 3.25, and a major "trophy" for 3.5.  My parents had offered me a five speed adult bicyle, for my June, 1971 birthday, if I achieved 3.5.  

My strategy was devious, and I am still very proud of it to this day.  Beginning in January of 1971, my second period science class (it was bioligical science, but the course title did not make that distinction) instituted a weekly "quiz" on Tuesdays (most of the classes conducted such "quizzes" or other tests on Fridays).  Our teacher seemed to believe that this would compel study over the weekend and on Monday evenings.  At the same time, the Junior High provided, along with the local bowling alley, an extracurricular bowling league open to all students who wished to participate, for a very reasonable weekly fee:  my father, who had bowled in a local league for a couole of decades, encouraged me to participate.  I did so gladly, because this weekly event, from about 3:30 to 5:30 pm, intruded on my afternoon "homework" time, and my review of the previous weeks material for the Tuesday morning Science test.  On the first several tests, given prior to the beginning of the bowling program, I had scored 100%, and my parents expected me to maintain that:  I had done so without much studying at home, but my parents did not know that.  I pointed out to them that if I participated in bowling, I would not have adequate time for final study toward the Tuesday morning tests, and I needed help in finding a solution.  They offered me a choice:  to drop out of bowling entirelt, or to miss the Monday evening Troop meetings until the bowling season ended just before May, 1971.  I chose to remain in the bowling league.  Therefore my Monday nights were not so terrifying; although unfortunately, the Troop had to find another awkward kid to pick on (and I was told, at school, that they had found a substitute for me very quickly).  I continued to score 100% on my tests.

The second part of my strategy went into effect as the bowling season approached its conclusion.  I knew that my father, who was notoriously tightfisted, was not looking forward to the expense of a five speed bicycle but had given his word.  So, pretending to be a gracious and loyal son, I offered my father an escape from that expense:  I explained, to both of my parents during dinner one evening, that the sacrifice of my Monday evening scouting in order to study for the Tuesday morning science tests had proven to me that Scouting no longer interested me because I did not miss it nor regret its absence.  Therefore, I would remain satisifed with my single-speed "kid" bike if they would allow me to withdraw entirely and completely from Scouting as a reward for the 3.5 award.  My father immediately accepted this proposition, although my mother began to question me, frequently, as to whether I wanted to be "known" as a quitter?  ("Known:" was one of my mother's favorite pejorative terms.)

The third quarter report cards came out, and showed that my GPA had come in at 3.33333.  However, there had been a rumor circulating that the computer system (a very early computer, only operative for less than a year, and not well understood), could not be relied upon for an accurate calculatiion of any GPA.  I took my report card to the Chairman of the Mathematics Department (who was also my fourth period arithmetic teacher) and she recalculated the average as 3.5.  She wrote a note and signed it on the back of my report card, and directed me to take it to the school's registration office, where my GPA average, as she had calculated it, was added to my record, and I was notified that I would receive the 3.5 award at the awards ceremony on the next to last day of the academic year.  Fortunately for me, as well, the Tuesday morning science tests continued right to the end of the year, so I never attended another Mondat night Troop meeting.  The award ceremony took place on a Wednesday.  On the following Monday, my mother sent a note to the TroopMaster, delivered by one of my neighbors who was also a member of that Troop, advising him that I had requested to withdraw fully from membership in the Troop.

Although I do not agree with all of the principles of Scouting (if it even still exists), I do not blame those principles for my experience.  The local manifestation of Scouting in our vicinity was solely and fully responsible for permitting, and at times even encouraging, the bullying process as a means of "shaping" those kids, like me, who did not naturally fall into the standards of Scouting because of perceived "difference" which was locally defined as subversive.  This subversion was defined in three categories:  an expressed criticism of Anerica's military action in Viet Nam or an interest in Marxism; any kind of individuated artistic interest; and suspicion of Homosexuality.  The bullying could not alter my mindset, my beliefs, or my lack of athletic ability.  It simply caused temporary injuries and a sense of terror that often manifested in nightmares.

Starward