am i alive today? in this moment, am i present? sometimes, it feels like I’m a ghost without a real purpose. i feel like darkness and reek of cannabis. wondering if the deal with the devil is put in to motion. i’m so high. i’m so high i could die but what fun would it be floating aimlessly over everyone’s head? i’m a ghost already by nature, no need for such a quick mature. i feel it all at once, so deeply it numbs everything inside of me. maybe it’s a sixth sense, i always see death right before it arrives. when ryan died, i swear to god, i swear to god, he came to me that night. wearing a red hat. i swear to god, i saw him. maybe i’m just too good at tricking my own mind. i swear to god he was there. someone was with me. i swear, i wasn't alone that night. even though i was on brian’s couch. am i crazy? i swear to god, i’m so sorry. i’m awfully hazy. wired on speed. it all comes to me too fast. slow it down. slow down. don’t miss it. look. something is inside of me and i feel it breaking free.
