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the learning ghost
I’ve had to accept defeat
But I know what it means to win.
Sitting here in this house,
Breathing in the smell
Of their death;
Factually aware of my own.
A ghost trapped by flesh,
Or perhaps just too lazy
To take the proper form.
Perhaps I’ve rationalized…
This can be called life.
You told me
You were my father too;
I told you
I didn’t have a mother either.
You wanted to fuck men
Who could father you.
And you put colorful beads in your car,
To prove you were happy.
Then you ate just to suppress the hate,
Or maybe you just wanted to stoke it.
You had to justify the void
Or distract yourself from it.
You used to speak sentimental bullshit,
Just pretend your life was more than distraction.
You had to accept defeat,
Then wonder why others wouldn’t rescue you.
I was in a position to rescue you,
But I finally taught myself
To walk through walls:
I can’t hold them up anymore.
