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Pretty damn old
People are upset because it's my birthday and my age is something I haven't told.
I keep my age a secret because I'm getting pretty damn old.
My bones crackle and my false teeth keep falling out.
When I tell people that I'm a sex machine, they have serious doubts.
Is it possible that I've lost my good looks?
My doctor prescribes me more pills than Elvis took.
Last month I was in the hospital and I got fresh with a candy striper.
I might have stood a chance with her if she wasn't the one who changed my diaper.
