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I'm a country boy and I eat a lot of beans.

I've gotten so fat that I'm about to bust right out of my jeans.

The problem with eating lots of beans is that it makes me fart plenty.

I don't know how many times I fart each day, I'd say about twenty.

If I'm with someone else, I always pass the blame.

I farted while I was at a restaurant with my girl and I said "Sally, you should be ashamed."

I fart over ten thousand times each year.

My stinky farts have finally caused me to lose my friends just like I feared.

I went to a doctor and begged him to tell me how to stop farting and how to lose my big gut.

He said "Stop eating so many beans you idiot."