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When I asked my wife what I was getting for Christmas, she kicked me in the balls.

That wasn't what I wanted for Christmas, that wasn't what I wanted at all.

When she kicked me down there, she said "Merry Christmas, mother ******".

When it came to choosing a good wife, I really blew it, I sure was a sucker.

I learned that she had taken out a million dollar life insurance policy on me.

It was the night before Christmas and my wife put rat poison in my tea.

But I had already found the insurance policy and I poured the tea down the drain.

I had the bitch committed, she'll be wearing a straight jacket for Christmas because I had her declared insane.

When she kicked me in the nuts, it gave her pleasure when she saw me fall.

When I asked what I was getting for Christmas, I got a swift kick in the balls.