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LINES
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Depression Lines on my arms, lines of hate,
Lines in my life, hate, love, depression, suicide,
Thin lines of which I tiptoe along,
One wrong step and I fall to the desire,
This time it was mutilation.
Lines on my arm, vertical, diagonal, horizontal,
In my arm, pain receptors, in my mind, they’re triggered,
I don’t want to die like that, cutting up my life,
Losing my mind to my demon, red and silver,
Crying as it takes over my senses, then body.
If I took my life, would I be wrong or right?
Contemplating suicide, living this way,
Dieing this way, all alone, not caring,
Unable to fight what I'm feeling,
Stuck between good and evil.
My wounds fresh, un-healing, I know the truth,
Never there, never able to confide in people,
I'm a weak link, feelings torn apart,
Surprised I can still feel pain in my arm,
After years of mutilation, I can still feel pain.
Sick in the head, confused, upset, broken,
Weak link in a chain, faulty, un-mend able,
Obsessed, created a false identity,
I just want to be heard, understood,
A fucked up dream; it's what we call reality.
I don’t own my demon, it owns me now,
Not always able to be kept under control,
Existing in my subconscious, feeding on pain,
It grows, attacks, feeds and attacks again,
Kill, it’s in the nature of the demon.
No safety net below, hit the floor, hurt and blood,
Scars of past suicide attempts, I'm no joker,
Running out of time, more lines appear,
Deeper that previously cut lines, darker,
Crossing over each other, more pain, you’re not satisfied.
Life been so cruel to me, I'm bleeding profusely,
These thoughts don’t seem un-natural to me,
I wish someone would end my misery,
This seems natural to me, in every way,
I’d deny anything is wrong with me, I'm fine.
I'm losing in the end, losing everyone around me,
Better put the knife down, I wish things would change,
I have to learn to fight, I'm weak, cant fight,
The pain won’t recede, body weak from pain,
Bleeding, nothing to save me as I fall.
Falling, all the way down, to the ground,
My pain fuels you, you slowly kill me,
I'm not responsible for my death, can’t be,
Demon slowly murdering me, internally,
As I weaken, the wounds become external lines.
It seems like the only option you leave me,
Hurting myself, Devil’s spiral of life and hate,
Shadows cast in my room as candles burn,
I can’t go on living like this, living a lie,
I'm going to end up dead, gone, forever.
I need someone I can confide in,
I hope you regret what you did, hurting me,
Crying night and day, is there something wrong with me?
All alone, crying by myself, feeling bad, all alone,
Can’t seem to fight theses feelings I'm caught between.
Lack of control, marks, lines, gauges, missing,
Purity gone from my body, darkness dwells within,
A slave to you, a slave to my Demon inside,
Carrying out it’s every whim, task it sets,
Hurting myself for its pleasure, amusement.
Remember me, my razor sharp blades, knives, life,
After I'm gone don’t forget who I was,
Can’t live with or without my Demon,
I love you and yet loath the pain that I inflict,
Don’t you see that is a deadly danger?
To keep me from living a normal life,
To keep me from dying a happy death,
Do you like how it feels,
To have this poem hit hard and deeply,
Penetrating you heart.
