BLOOD COVERED BLADE

Folder:

Depression

The depression takes over,

My urge increases, along with my pain,

How I wish to cut my arm,

The downward spiral from ‘happiness’ to ‘hell’,

My tears falling hard on the page,

I don’t wanna live any longer!

Wrist, arm, neck burns for pain,

Hot tears; black ink, smudging swirls on paper,

Just want to feel the release,

The pain, my ultimate pleasure, just once more!

Gleaming in the light, it shines silver,

Sharp edge, neat and fine,

Pure ecstasy lies in my fingers and hand,

So close, I can smell blood, taste it,

Without even cutting, yet!

Ultimate pleasure as I release it,

Slowly, savouring the pain on my arm,

Breathless at the pleasure I’m receiving,

Blood smelling so pungent and wild,

The site is almost sickeningly orgasmic,

Taste, so vile, so pure, heaven and hell in one,

More, must do more, cut more!

Shivering with coldness, anticipation and wetness,

Blood soaked clothes, bed, knife, arm drenched!

Swelling, redness, pain, bruising, scaring,

Pain as my sleeves rub over it, but pleasured pain,

Insane shaking behaviour, twitching,

Am I ill? Do I have something?

No food, shifty eyes, paranoid, insomnia!

In my mind, my demon plays, torments, pleasures,

Angry, upset, furious, my emotions rage,

Life seeming meaningless, gone, never there,

But I’m still alive, for now!

No promises, threats, words, apologies,

Going, just leaving, only sounds are my tears and sniffles,

Still crying I finish my poem,

Was it real? Was it fiction?

Are there marks? Or not?

Cursing myself, hating myself, life,

Welcoming the end someday,

Today, tomorrow, week away, years away,

I look down, hoping it’s not true,

There, lying in my hands, my blood covered blade!