A friend of mine told me that I should get out more, try to be
involved more, try to enjoy life more, and try to use the door
for more than hermetically sealing myself inside. Never tried.
I told her that I seal the door because it seems that it only
takes a light wind for trouble to come barging in and since
love never seems to visit, I'd like to lock it tighter if it
was all the same to her.
In my bed I was sleeping on a pile of mismatched socks as a
pillow and I said that the only reason I get up to go to the
bathroom was because I'm afraid of a catheter. That answer
only seemed to amuse her before she paused to suffuse me with another refreshing anecdote. I dispatched of it most quickly.
She said I sounded desperate and looked like hell. I told her
to hand me the half-eaten half-gallon of Blue Bell Ice Cream
on the floor by her feet. It should have melted down enough
to eat by now. I put down the spoon after my first mouthful
to pick up the TV remote control. My favorite show was about
to embark on another scintillating episode.
My attention span it seems has dipped below that of a 7 yr old
with A.D.D. She said something about my apartment being my jail so I remarked that "freedom is subjective to the perception of the individual." I remained somewhat catatonic, speaking without changing my focus from the 16 inches of glowing education. This only proved her remark as my prison had diminished in size to fit my brain's case exponentially.
I told her that as long as she stayed, she was imprisoned with
me. The wads of paper from miscellaneous cupcakes, yoo-hoos,
and ho-ho's comprised my sheets (both fitted and top) so when
I propped myself up on a stack of basketball magazines and
horoscope books I can still eat my pecans and pralines with-
out having to worry about doing "real" laundry. I figured that in my slothenliness I had solved that quandry without using the brain-power reserved for sleeping.
"And to what do I owe this visit?" I quipped as though she had
only just arrived, and I sighed heavily to emphasize my leth-
argy. She actually responded quite well, "Curtain Call" she
said without batting an eye. She added,"It seems your fall
from grace is leaving a bad taste in the mouths of your loved
ones so they've called in a specialist to exorcise your desp-
eration demons."
I answered,"Is it still considered waiting by the phone if it
is a cell phone?" She hit me with a slice of cold pizza.