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bullying
The 13th was the night it it happened
The trajedy that created a stir
A stir I still remember
The flashing lights, unending laughter
We danced until it ended
The girl who sat alone in the myths of darkness
She ate alone
She had no friends
She was alone
No one there to love her
Little did we know that she would die that night
I went to the bathroom to take a break
And there i found her body
A pool of blood, blood dark and thick
Was sitting all around her
And in her hand there lied a note
Soaked in blood
I took the note and read it
"my name is Lea,she wrote,
I am sixteen
I bet you didn't know that
Because of your arrogance
I have no friends
No one to care, no one to share
I eat alone, i walk home alone
I have no one to talk to
Some people call me dirty names
Names that come from below
People say i'm ugly
I hope you know i cannot stand another day living like this
So that is why i chose to die
To leave all this behind
I hope your happy you have won
You give me no choice
But to commit suicide
So please just do me this little favor
Tell my father not to cry
It was not at all his fault
Tell my brother to keep his faith and keep me in his heart
Tell my mom i love her
And to pass along my story
And as for you, i hope you've learned your lesson
How a little bullying can drive someone insane"
When i had finished the letter
I felt my knees break down as i cried
What had i done
Had i just killed a girl so innocent
I felt so guilty
But what to do?
Should i report it to the police?
Or keep it wrapped up inside
Today after years of therapy
I am thirty five
I teach kids all ages
That bullying is wrong
I hope they never have to learn this lesson
The tagic way i learned mine.
Hey I'm not feeling at my best so this critique will be small. I think this poem is funny, because you were definately inspired to write this...I'm thirty five. That has to mean something maybe like that you really care for people who commite sucide (obviously after your poem suicide.) Maybe you want to be a person who educates children about bulling when your're older. This is a well plotted poem but i would change some parts. "I went to the bathroom to take a break" doesn't really sound like it fits nicely. Also from the fifth to the 6th line, you just change the subject and it left me wondering what the first five lines were doing there and what they had to do with the poem. Maybe (this is tottally rough) but something like "everyone had the time of their lives expect ..." Just a sentence that makes it fit together. a gluing sentence. overall this poem is good with a few places that need editing. You should also read over your poems before you post them for spelling errors, it makes it hard to understand when "ou" is actually "you". *mine isn't like the possesif of me it's pronounced with an i like the one in if and the ne is like if you have to take french clases in school like ne and pas.*