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Whispers and Screams
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DaddyO's BDSM by DaddyO
Lately someone has been doing the Internet's version of screaming fire in a crowded movie theater. Now perhaps there were some fires to avoid, so we must applaud him for that. But in attempting to quench the real fires he has caused unnecessary panic as well as lit many unnecessary ones with his own sparks of ignorance.
Those freshly stoked flames are now burning and no one is screaming anymore, all that's left are wheezing sirens (which make terrible alarms). These fires were unneeded and unjustified, but nonetheless still need to be put out.
It's impossible to refute (or recognize and apologize for) allegations of a consent violation when the accusations are levied in private whispers to others by those who are strangers to the accused.
In fact, if kept secret, the only way that the accused one could ever know about them would be to actually violate a person's right to privacy to find out.
And...well...that would really make them a consent violator!
If the whispered allegation is valid, the perpetrator has no way to know how to prevent it from happening again.
If the whispered allegation is false, it can snowball and turn everyone's perception of an innocent person into a monster.
So instead of whispering not enough details or screaming unsubstantiated claims and slander, let's reasonably communicate real facts to one another and get testimonies from all people involved.
If you believe you're innocent, yet have had things whispered about you, be willing to invite any concerned people's questions (hi!). Be empathetic to the person who is hurting, because whether you are innocent or not, you're still involved in their pain.
If you feel as though you've had your consent violated, either find someone to speak on your behalf or speak in person to the one who you felt violated you. Do not rely on other people to whisper vague yet damning generalities to each ear they encounter.
If you've violated someone's consent then repent and apologize to the one you've harmed to their friends or community leaders and hope the severity of your violation doesn't mark you for life, because any allegation, regardless of the accuracy of the claim, can be devastating.
