Random Thoughts from a Histrionic Social Vampire -or- Why I am the Way I am

DaddyO's BDSM

by DaddyO


I strongly feel the need to be the center of attention.

^^ This is my kink. ^^


There I said it.  If you want to know why, read further...


I am keenly interested in lining up the rows just right and sharing what I have to offer with those around me to provide incredible experiences. This is an impossible task to do in grand scale so I've embraced the D/s and SM parts of BDSM in order to do it on a much smaller scale and present them on a big stage (online or in the orgy bed at a sex club).


Given I do things so blatantly and the things I do are so in the spotlight, my very presence can seem like I am violating the consent of people if the way I appear to them is off-putting in any way.


Unless you look away, I am very much "in your face", so when my presence or when those I have influenced (it doesn't even have to be me) makes any move at all, those in the community with no desire to understand me, interpret it as what they call "drama."


Because I am so "tell it like I see it" and self-absorbed, I am misunderstood to be "uncaring" or disinterested in others. The reality of it is much different than it appears.


Co-dependency alert!


The fact is, I am interested in others so unbelievably much that I actually rely on them for my own rejuvenation and hedonistic pleasure.


Being this way can be considered draining to many, and my ADD confirms this because I can so easily move on to someone else so freely,


My internal counterbalance to the reality of having to move on freely to others, is that those I do grow to love deeply I have a difficult time moving on from.


My search for a complimentary symbiosis with others, more often than not is negatively referred to as "co-dependency."


My search for that deep loving connection that I know will bring joy and fulfillment can easily be considered social vampirism. This vampiric thirst for information and excitement is insatiable. I jump in head first when I am interested in something or someone, soaking in all the knowledge and experiences I can.


I want to know things that will help me make reasonable decisions. I want to understand the people and events I am making those decisions about. So I question all the time. I am a skeptic and a lifelong collector of knowledge, opinions and ideas.


Yet It is amazing the things one is not able to see through the glare of the spotlight or hear over the sound of one's own voice.


Still, while I am not seeing some things, I am experiencing others, and I tend to overhear my name in other people's conversations frequently. My very "center of attention" presence causes whispers as well as screams. On one hand, this is great, as my goal is to be influential and to leave a legacy,

But on the other hand, it's amazing I don't suffer more from paranoia.


I experience anxiety because people really are talking about me and I really am missing out on what they say. So the communication style of not relaying information via "silence" does not bode well for me. It filters back to me as rumor and gossip because most people are taught it is rude to confront someone.


I do listen, really, but due to my ADD, information requires repetition as well as full explanation in order for my understanding to awaken and flourish or my beliefs to change or become deep-seated,


People have referred to it as extroverted narcissism or histrionic personality disorder, I call it:  Investing in and experiencing those around me, through me.


This all being said, it still remains your prerogative to interpret and to view me, as you will.

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