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by Jeph Johnson

My fellow constituents...

I welcome you all to the Bunny Ranch National Monument. I have been asked by my colleagues at "Prostitution Ensures Reduced Violence Eradicating Rape Today Political Action Committee" (also known as PERVERT PAC) to give the keynote speech here tonight to honor and commemorate America's tenth anniversary of freedom.

Ten years ago, before prostitution was legalized, people actually were raping other people with regularity. With no sexual outlets available to him, a man often was forced into the sorry state of frustration, leading oftentimes to rape.

It was a shame back when men and women had very limited rights to do with their own bodies what they wanted.

I realize rape still occurs today in some isolated regions, you will never get rid of it completely, but with prostitution's legalization we've finally made non-endearing sex safe and legal.

Ten years ago rape often happened in back alleys -in fact rapes happened more frequently in back alleys than even abortions did prior to its legalization in 1973!

To many of us, prostitution is an abhorrent act, I personally would never go to a prostitute. But when other people's rights to sexual freedom are infringed upon, something must be done! When one person's sexual freedom is threatened, all of our freedoms are threatened! We all would like to see the isolated cases of prostitution rare, but outlawing an activity never accomplishes this.

We know that the prohibition of anything simply increases the likelihood of organized crime. The pimp and hooker stereotype is still fresh in most of our minds, and it's hard to see why it took our supposedly moral country this long to see the light! The criminal underworld born in the 1930's due to prohibition of alcohol, when gangster bootleggers took control, thrived until prohibition's demise. The insane drug war we've been fighting has caused more deaths than any drugs, due to drug prohibition and gang warfare.

Despite a person's potential dislike of an activity, there must be an allowance for the beautifully-challenged person who cannot otherwise find any sexual gratification.

And what about the "hard cases", when a man who would otherwise be tempted into rape? Well, shouldn't he be given the right to release his sexual tension with a prostitute?

I think our children should be taught at an early age all the facts concerning non-endearing sex. It serves no point to shield them from the reality of our sexual culture. You really can't expect them to suppress their sexual urges, especially when all their friends are "doing it", can you?

We've come a long way from the days when prostitution was illegal and the police actually utilized inane "vice squads" to arrest desperate, otherwise law-abiding men who were only trying to fulfill their natural carnal urges. Authorities would even prosecute the brave young women who challenged society's misplaced morality and unjust laws by standing up to these injustices and providing a service no one else would do.

Before prostitution's legalization, law enforcement actually would use bully tactics like impounding automobiles and attempt to embarrass and intimidate the patrons of prostitutes by publishing their names and pictures in the newspaper or on the Internet. They even went as far as to raid well respected adult entertainment establishment's employees that were doing nothing more than "dancing too close!"

These sort of intimidation tactics were no different than what the "so-called" pro-lifers were doing years ago, before it became illegal to infringe upon a woman's right to choose by publishing abortion provider's names, photos and addresses. The difference was, in the anti-choice-prostitution camp, these were religious zealots doing the publishing. These crazed "pro-lifers" never even went that far, for they neglected to publish the names of the poor women requiring the abortions.

Believe it or not, not so long ago, the publishing of names of both the users and providers of prostitution occurred. And it was being done by YOUR government. And get this, even before legal conviction had been secured! Yep, they would publish names and impound cars of those only "suspected" of soliciting prostitution!

Before PERVERT PAC's influence and the now disbanded organization SANESEX (also known as Sane Answers for Non-Endearing Sexual Encounters, Anonymous) our country's misguided and archaic laws held those looking only for sexual release hostage. PERVERT PAC has worked hard for your freedom for over ten years, but they still need your support. The Free and Uncontaminated Condom Kit (F.U.C.K.) brothel distribution legislation that recently passed, is not enough!

Although I generally believe in the free market and less taxes, I call for every government-run brothel to offer free health care for its employees to ensure safe non-endearing sex.

And what about minorities who can't afford a good prostitute? For the under-privileged I propose a "john-allowance." Of course certain qualifications would need to be met in order to tap into this fund. Certain situations would qualify you; like "time since last sexual encounter," and "how fulfilling your previous sexual act was."

Everyone would be set up a "savings account" earmarked for the express purpose of sexual desire insurance.

In the rare case of the sexually fulfilled married man, he could use it periodically to seduce his wife with gifts in exchange for sexual gratification (a note from a clinical psychologist would be needed of course).

For the rest of us, an allotment of our tax money would be evenly distributed into these sexual savings accounts (SSA's) and only the most needy would qualify. As we all know, everyone must pay taxes, but these SSA's would be drawing interest for everyone leading a normal and healthy sex life, relieving their sexual urges "normally" on a fairly regular basis, and not needing a prostitute's care.

In the unfortunate event a sexual breakup does occur, instead of severe depression, suicidal thoughts or, heaven forbid, the dreaded rape scenario, the emergency SSA would act as a sort of sexual "safety net."

Although I don't agree with the closed-minded religious bigots that want to take us back to the dark ages when a "lady of the evening" was looked at with ridicule, I still respect their right to their opinion.

But I still say; "if you don't like prostitution, don't go to one!" To bring back an old phrase: "keep your laws off of my body!"

Since prostitution's legalization ten years ago, we've seen the crime rate drop considerably! The statistics show a marked decrease in violent crime. The mêlée caused in the past due to "pimp-hooker conflict" has now virtually disappeared! And now that all men (who statistics show are predominantly the most violent) have a sexual outlet for their desires, other violent crimes have decreased substantially.

As I mentioned earlier, ten years ago rape was a major problem. Now sexual outlets are readily available to most of us.

There are still isolated cases, in small towns that have yet to erect brothels, of rape occurring, and of course we'll never eliminate the mentally deranged who rape out of hatred of women, but with the advent of the new legislation to allow house-call girls tax incentives to write off the miles traveled, these atrocities should be eradicated very soon too.

Thank you all for your continued support. I encourage everyone to check out the festivities they've set up here at the Bunny Ranch monument.

It was at this very location, back in the twentieth century where legalized prostitution in the United States was popularized. This is a such a wonderful locale.

Look over there, the monument even has the word "freedom" spelled-out using some of the original bed-posts from the original Bunny Ranch!

We have booths set up for all persuasions, and your card should work in all of them!

Let freedom ring, and have a good day! We will never go back!!