Author Information
"Who I am Monday"
by Jeph Johnson
I am a person
a more worthy person
more jaded now than before
I have apathetically altered my pattern
not knowing what is in store
-
no phone calls
no emails
-
since she said
she wanted to take it slow
-
how slow is slow?
-
tempted to be a wreck
I instead chose recklessness
-
she left me in
the December darkness
and frigid night rain
...the kind that's colder
when it doesn't freeze
(she likes Guns 'n Roses)
I decided to pretend the pain
had left me like November
and allow the precipitation
to do my crying
by getting drunk
-
twice
-
last weekend
-
my newly inspired
formerly distraught
poet friend at the bar
and his beautiful torch-song
bar butterfly
Saturday were still together
soaring through
that happy golden galaxy
so they bought me my
first drink
sort of silly
since I seldom
have a second
but Saturday night
seemed the perfect time to experiment
with Long Island Ice Tea
-
numbing to the loss of her wonder
was easier by drinking
call me naive, but I still believe
she was telling the truth
when she said what she said
If I truly am the greatest guy she's ever met
I need only continue being that person
-
the old man had a flaw
that has died
she likes to call
it "mushiness"
-
I can be an even better poet
by alluding to her awe
she is not the Queen
of the Universe yet
she's not even Queen
of the Galaxy!
...my poet friend's dating her
-
the woman before her
called Sunday to mention
she was now
not moving to California
for four more months at least
the fact that this woman is still calling me
after I blew her off
Wednesday night
(with the smile on my face)
speaks volumes to my intuition
-
I didn't mention a thing to her
Sunday morning over the phone
she couldn't see
I was only pretending to be happy
she saw no despair
and still pictured me
holding hands with confidence
for all she knew I had that same smile
-
she nearly invited herself over
especially when I told her
my apartment was clean
(we wouldn't have to rent a hotel room)
this woman's dad was giving a sermon
so she headed off to church
I didn't wait for her call back
-
so Sunday evening at the bar
the red-headed waitress
with the eyes like the weather
and I
confirmed plans to hang out
tomorrow night
she's going to teach me how
to smoke weed through a bong.
(I cough too much with a pipe)
-
I've quickly learned to drink..
perhaps the numbness
of a few tokes will soothe
or maybe her comforting eyes
can relieve altogether?
It was such a shock Saturday
when the red-headed waitress first asked,
"so, are we still going to hang out
next week sometime?"
I was crying and she could tell
it was remarkable
(her approach)
she'd never asked me to do stuff before
and only once
a few months ago
reluctantly shown up late
to a movie I asked her to
before she decided dating
the psychic skateboarding Satanist
-
actually the timing
couldn't have been better...
-
see, when I met the woman of my dreams,
the red-headed waitress
became an afterthought
but now I remembered
how she had once reminded me
I had other dreams left
ones not involving strippers
and that my inspiration needn't be forced
I've no reason to pay to idolise
God probably doesn't even like that
maybe the Satanic Skateboarder
taught her this
I'm not sure
-
I've come to the conclusion
strong love is passe
no one wants it
or finds it believable
these days
when over half of all marriages fail
it is hard for any person
to receive devotion and admiration
-
in these days
of almost half of all marriages succeeding
it is hard for any person
to give devotion and admiration
-
with regards to devotion and admiration
I am a rare exception
I'll receive it willingly
with a sentimental tear
and live up to
and surpass expectations
maybe this ability and willingness
to devote and admire
is what she was mistaking
for "the greatest guy she's ever met"
or maybe it was the mushiness
hopefully not, for that has died
-
I heard three chords of
an eighties rock song...
called "Hold on Loosely"
and remembered...
-
hold on,
but not with all your strength
...this is where the pretending comes in
-
don't let go
...this is where the pain needs numbing
-
this is where
a cute mushy rhyme
is tempting
but I'm choosing
a bong hit with the red-headed waitress
-
I am a person.
more worthy
and more jaded
not knowing
what is in store
I have apathetically
altered my pattern
