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Why I am Who I Am Today
As a young girl I sat day in and day out woundering and asking my granmother a minister, How did this come about. So confusing to me I could barely see. NO!, It can not be... Her reply to me, you know darling, Some things you should just not ask. OK, I said. Not satisfied I went to bed. I can remember as far as 5 or so always praying and asking God to help me. I saying Jesus but not feeling comfortable mostly saying God in my prayers. Being very religous as a small child brought alot of stairs. Carrying my Bible to school made some people very crule, but that didn't stop me. I had to figure how could it have all ame to be. No answear from my grandmother or the Bible. At 15 I gave it a long thought, went over all that I was tought, and there was something that I never bought it did not just add up. Jesus is the father,son and holly ghost... How could this be something to boast. I felt as though my butt was toast. I lived in sin. My face had a big grin, I was deep in living as I wanted didn't feel taunted but never faild to as God to pull me through. And my gut feeling knew he would do. Islam came my way first at 17. I did not want to be mean. Not intrested I made it seam . Just bought some Egyption Musk and took a pamphlet that I later put down and left behind. 2 or so years later was none the wiser to what was coming my way,I married a muslim man. After my first daughter and the lost of my first son was pregnant again. Weeks later my second son was born. Neim was the name he adorned. Such a lovely baby boy. My hubby was always telling me about Isalm doing all he can keeping my attention nothing he faild to mention. Come with me to the masjid his first attempt. Good intentions he ment. I agreed. Flowers in hand the doorbell rang. Who is it my voice sang. Looking through the peep hole my vision obscured, his way of surprising me. But to his surprise I was not ready. This went steady for 2 fridays. Disapointed was he. Saddend to see him this way I began to say next friday I will go . He said I'll belive it when the time comes . That friday ready I was, My girlfriend babysat the kids. Once at the masjid I knew not what to do. He just showed me where to go . I began to walk very slow. Careful not to ask questions like I should have but felt like watching and doing as others did. Felt like eturnity as I slid my way onto the musellah. I sat in the far rear my back against the wall. I was saprised by my ears, the sermon brought tears. Some questions questions answeard. Now the prayer nothing I have ever seen and the langauge sonded like chanting. Wanted to go so my friends I could show what I encounterd. The women were very nice they didn't think twice to speek to me. A kiss a hug, talking to me like they knew me from a small child. I thought it was wild. Reaching home friends eager to know so I began to show, mockery I made... Loughture filled the room, chanting sounds mellow as I watched them bellow. Do it again, do it again they cried. I sighed, sadness filled my heart. My friends and I drifted apart. Seeing how serious my marrage was to me, my did spiteful things to me for in my shoes they wanted to be. Shortly into my marriage who would of knew a gem so pressious to me I would loose. My world was turned upside down. Every smile was now a frown. Not eatting or drinking, not even speeking just stairing into the space where my pressious little gem use to be. It hit me!!!! Who am I???? Who am I sapose to be?? A door went slam!!!! Hotdog!! Here you are ** years old living in sin. Acting as you have not clue as id tomorrow is promissed to you and here was a pressious little seed who had yet to do a bad deed swept away. So what made me think I would be on this earth another day... That is why I made this choice to say the Shahadatain. Nothing about islam boggles my brain and this along with othere things is why I am who I am today.
