PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I tried the pill, Nurva Ring, and now the Paraguard. None of it has worked for me. Since I have absolutely no desire to bare anymore children, I'm going for the surgery to be fixed. If God wants me to have any more children He'll have me wind up with a man who has one or more of his own. Otherwise, I am completely done and I have no regrets. I've wanted to get fixed for over a year now. Everyone has tried to persuade me not to do it. They kept telling me I'd change my mind one day down the line, but after over a year I still feel just as passionately as I did back then. I really don't want to bare anymore children. I don't want to go through it physically, mentally, or emotionally. I don't care to have any reoccurrences of what I ended dealing with by it not working out with Greg. Realistically, having more children doesn't make things easier, it makes it harder. It's even more mentally, physically, and emotionally demanding than having one kid. Honestly, I've reached my limit here. I can't handle more than raising one kid on my own. I don't wish to bring another child into this world that isn't wanted. I do want Conner and I don't regret him, but no I don't have any desire to have anymore children. I love him unconditionally. He has literally saved my life, but if I had anymore children I don't think it'd be the same positive feeling about it. I think other people would be a lot more happy about it than I would. I'd be the one dealing it and raising the kid. They wouldn't be paying the bills, dealing with the tantrums, doctor appointments, teething, feedings, sleep deprivation, and all it entails to be a parent. Maybe if I wasn't a single parent in this situation I'd feel differently, but after all I've endured, overcome, and am continuing to overcome I'm trying to be realistic and practical, not fantastical. In an ideal world every child would have two parents who love them unconditionally and would do anything to raise them and help them, but realistically things don't go always according to plan. The next thing you know instead of struggling to raise one kid you're stuck struggling trying to figure out how to raise more. Some people can handle this and they're much stronger than I am. But I'm not strong enough to handle raising anymore children on my own. I have Conner to raise and I'm constantly helping out with my nephews and niece and at times Zack. I already feel overwhelmed by it and consumed sometimes. It feels like I'm raising 5 or 6 kids when realistically I'm only responsible for one, Conner. So in a nutshell I'm getting fixed and if one day I meet a man who doesn't reciprocate my feelings I'll be showing him the door because it's my body, my life, and my decision. If he has any kids of his own, I'll be open to accepting them as though as they are my own has Ernie has done for me and my other siblings. Other than that though, the chapter of me being able to reproduce will be diminished shortly and I thank God for it. The way it works now I can have it one day, leave the same day, and it's not nearly as painful or anything as it used to be.