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Questions
I don't know what i want as i sit here in the dark and think of thoughts i shouldn't have
Is it the absence of your heartbeat next to mine that makes my mind unwind
Is it the pictures of smiling faces sharing warm embraces
Is it the cold empty feeling of abandon or just my insecurity
Is the problem really you or is it truly me
What futures I imagined for people of my past
How I was always certain but it never did seem to last
You are not that far away just slightly out of reach
And yet the loneliness creeps in and hollows out a space
I feel the wind echo in the hollows and the absence of your warmth
I begin to question what is real and how I feel
It seems to work when you are around but I continue to function when you are not
Is it survival instinct or is it my body preparing for life without you
The cold heartedness you worked so hard to melt begins to frost around the edges
My tone changes, my body steels, my kindness fades, I become calculating
If only you knew the evil I was once capable of, I plot to harness it once more
I used to be fearless and cutthroat you have softened me in ways unimaginable
I am beginning to sink into a deep dark spiral of self
A world I have long avoided for it is dangerous to leave me alone with my thoughts
There is no future, it seems so blatantly obvious and yet I am blind to it
These words flash at me like high beams in darkness
Perhaps this is because I failed to cultivate the virtue of patience
I cannot help but feel our time is running out
Time drags on and yet it passes me by I see this reflected in other peoples lives
I am adrift sometimes on the verge of drowning
My final act will be to convince people I've walked on water straight into the horizon
