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DILUTED REVERIE
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JOURNAL #13 with lady like reverie
I spend what is left of my meager
comeuppance on one small fret
that was the last to flee
a dead brainstorm lost forever to
a churningly unsympathetic sea
in capable of finding within itself
even a pail full of glory from days
long since gone
to where
such loss constantly haunts me
tossed in a sinister cauldron of
greedy disdain
and left there to sulk and spawn
out of this mess that I have labeled
as confused thought
I scream inside myself alright!
enough! tres bon!
my lesson I have been taught
this is what I wanted
yes
riddance of the gaining grief
such pain only slashed out
the wrists
she never fueled any real desire
of the thief
the true thief was in in the roll of
a nine
her crimes were innocent when compared
to mine
when she was fevered unlike me
she never pretended she could when she
could not see
she allowed the sickness to boil up
inside and outward to be seen
where as any real deviate knows no
adequate method of coming clean
blame lies on the ground now with a
gun to my already near mutilated head
laughing aloud at everything
would have been alright had we listened
to what the councilor said
yes indeed had we listened
no for thought nor blood would have been
wastefully shed.......................
(Dec. 18, 1994 pm)
