realization became my Christmas present tonight
knowing full well
at last
that he will never truly be mine
no matter what the time of day
nor who in the end is considered right
still
it bloody well hurts
like hell I could say
I just wish I could feel nothing
even if only for a single hour
as my poor abused heart sure could use
even the smallest reprieve
my unreturned love is actually
bleeding the thought to be bleed less..........
(June 1, 1998)