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HEARTY FAMILY DOOM(HUMOROUS)
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JOURNAL #12 with 'Hearty Family Doom'
they slowly ascend upon us all
the vulture side of the relatives that is
Hubert, with is incessant clogged nasal passages
then there are his sub human children
Hell Louise , also popularly known as 'the snitch'
"Mother, M.J. was smoking a nasty old cigarette
out by the garage!" still to this day rings out
in my mind
Virgil, the incurable whiner
Clorox wouldn't even work on this portly boy!
and clone to Hubert of course
Malcolm, the king of the snot nosed brainless
twits!
a.k.a-The Sniveler!
he sounds about as real as one of those
fictitious bad guy characters on the 60's
television show Bat Man
but trust me Malcolm the sniveler is all
too real
but he'd fit right in with those losers
anyway
he does need after all a good "POW"
"WHACK" or "WHOP"
the kid looks like Ralf Cramden right out
of 'The Honey Mooners'
which in turn describes uncle Hubert to a T.
(every pun intended!)
then there is , Dare I actually say her name
out loud?
I suppose something valuable will fall from
the mantle upon me and break here in the house
if I do
but here goes nothing
"Velda"
there I said it
let me be more specific
Velda , that venomous klutz from Cleveland
God's form of own personal pay back to our
family
no joke there
you know how everyone bad mouths Cleveland
for how dirty it is
well, Cleveland has nothing on Velda
this woman could out do an elephant in a china
closet
the whole family eats off paper plates and drinks
from Dixie cups every time these Volvo driving
vultures descend upon us
we still swear the she and Hubert simultaneously
black mailed each other into getting married
somehow
I mean, after all it does make sense
some would think upon first peak
(you wouldn't want to take a real long and
good look for fear that you would turn to stone
Medusa herself would shriek 'Hags!')
they were made for each other
like Archie and Edith Bunker
but really they both deserve better
like say he a biker chick and she a nice
honest but fat used car salesman that is
I shouldn't really complain I suppose because
they do supply me with pretty good writing
material
so, I guess I'll be nice and stop pounding
on them for now
but only until some new degrading angle on them
comes to mind
like last Christmas for example
when we found Malcolm stringing up his
hamster's turds on string like pop corn
to put up on the Christmas Tree
the look on old klutzy Velda's snooty face
when she realized just what it was that
Malcolm, clone to Hubert was stringing up
that instant of true realization was without
a doubt absolutely priceless
the best Christmas present for all of us
that year in fact
oh well, that story in full will just have to
wait until another time.............
(July 10, 1994 pm)
