PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I am so very numb

in a fog of unpenetratable self doubt

stranded blindly within my very own limits

sparse are my array of options

I think I'm just far too human for my own good

wordless worry dogs my every mooded step

I am thwarted by the weight of my immeasurable

depth

and shredded into jarring fragments by an all

too weary constant private war

one that nobody can see

for it is cleverly hidden by the ever faithful

strong, cool and confident facade

I show to the gallery of the masses

few delve deeper than the lovely, happy, grinning

surface

a sunny disposition can blanket so many darkly

roughened thoughts

such fears, such doubt, such despair, such dire

negativity

why is self hate so terribly tenacious and

downright predatory in its raging path

Mr. Prater, my high school psychology teacher

would admire my willingness to share my private

chaos

for such act allows all inner truth no matter

how painful to blend into the face I show the

world

besides such process makes for such great

discussions

a modern sport for the mind

why sometimes the heavy burden carries me

and I am slave to its every will

whether

emotional

financial

mental

or psychological

its all swirling in a massive vat of grim

disbelief

I seem hardly deserving of any better

taking such advantage as I did

so why buck the system now

I guess I do so from time to time

just to prove to myself that though I have

come so far

still I have learned

not nearly enough

God, please always be with me

inspire my bumbling soul to sculpt

me into the better person that you

would wish for me to be..............

(Feb. 2, 1999)