release me from the violent arms of a most
terrifying death
or rather
that which holds me suspended in such a dark
intense feeling
with my own personal revulsion
so breathlessly close
yet protect me with gentle sweet peace of mind
from their chilling choking grip of such supremely
surrounded urgently firm eternal repose
as I must so sorely confess
I took the truth from its very own tale
by callously ripping wide open suspicion's angry
head
on bitter bemusement's jaggedly jealous nail
a heartless marauder was I
and quite purposefully alone
I tirelessly managed the most mean of all moments
that terrorist rejection
so to somehow neatly move beyond the grisly gore
of such gripping self doubt
without even a hint of any glaring great fault
nor even a little fail
as I was peaked to return to my less than vicious
self you see
yet so very determined was I
to not so noticeably fail
hanging all alone in such sawing wind
even when the wind began to hail
as the adventure there was to be gained
war's best in the faultlessly frail
however
unbeknownst to a once so mighty me
the scorched mismatched shadows of my misery
had malevolently marked me as their own
for just what it was I had become
a frightening displaced hungry young woman
and before even I myself had fully realized
the all too fetching folly
I was deceptively indebted to a most cleverly
masked unique desperation
which all but destroyed any previous hope I had
hinged on even the faintest notion of self
preservation
so spite in the end
all too sadly enough
managed to pin me to
the one feeling in life
I dreaded the most
Pity
the truly unloved's
thorny badge of disgrace................
(June 21, 1998)