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IGNITED CALM
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JOURNAL #21 when did I say
my idea of love
is a bald romantic man
I didn't
never would I be so bold as to make
such a tactless claim
I possess more grit than the
Duke himself!
ah, but with Phillip and his 33mm twin
in constant tow
along with those deep rich dark eyes of
his
shooting his thoughtfully potent, intense
affections every which way
as long as it was my way
for me there are just too too many drops
falling for it not to be called
just what it is
Rain
he was brisk in his outlook
and quite focused in his abundant
attractions
be they private or professional
he wore his subtle yet unique masculinity
well
far better than my charmed equilibrium
could ever hope to withstand
together we made
'Ignited Calm'
and for him alone in
his cold , strange, beautiful dark room
world it was that which drew him repeatedly
back
to the cozy welcome den of my natural humor
and warmth
addicted was he
to the buzz of my busy fingers in his hair
together we learned the finest truths of
touch
but refused out of love to betray the
others specific where!
we just innately knew how
and it was hotter than any case of seasoned
lust
in a year we had a life time's share
I won the elusive eyes' heart
and earned his enduring respect
though with tears awash in vague
misunderstandings
I sent my beautiful elusive eyes away
and that was the beginning of my ever constant
companion Regret
and such regret beget an even greater grief
upon my hearing of his untimely death
the soul lives in many caves now
but none so dark as the one I allowed you
to leave me in
in this current status of complete aloneness
I know for us its much too late
but still
I wish to say I'm sorry Phillip
I was so terribly wrong
to have sent you away
my problem was and still is the same
I simply loved and wanted you far too much
and sadly so as such my cowardly depth of
desire
sired me to scare us farther apart
and you died alone
not knowing
before back to you
I could find and earn my way............
(July 8, 1999)
