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I am losing you

I can feel it

so much hurt

assails my heart

I can feel you galloping away

you have so many responsibilities

I have been demoted to

an after thought

four days I was gone

and made to realize

so little was my presence missed

barely a blip on your radar screen

just surprise that I was back earlier

than you thought I would be

you couldn't even recall the day I would be

back

even though I wrote it to you in my email prior

talk about hacking my heart

what a butcher knife you carry around

I will die being the big fool I am today

yet oh how I wish it were the other way

I care too much

I am an idiot with a stupid crutch

you could have anyone why pick on me

I didn't do anything to you

I can't see what it is you seem to think

in me you see

you say you don't want to see me hurt

and yet the distance you put between us

emotionally bruises any hopes I could

hope to have where you are concerned

you pull me in and shove me back just when

I start lighting up and trusting your words

I write you a long heart felt letter

and you reply back in a conversation full

of doubt about us meeting and it being

a disaster

and I walk away from that more scared than

before

I feel like a bug under a microscope

I've lost you

yet a part of me keeps reminding me

like you were ever really mine to begin with

in all likely hood you were and will only ever

be just a beautiful dream that will never

come true

I was a fool to ever think it really could

it will be a far better younger more beautiful

woman than me that will capture your

heart

I made way too much of you

and now this sad, sad love I'm saddled with

I must some how just let it go

shhhhhhhhhhhhh , its alright there is no need

to comment

its time for this big goofy old girl

to pull her heart off her sleeve

and walk back the place she was

when you found her

to quote Keats

alone and palely loitering..........

(written Aug 15, 2007 3am)