UNRAVELING

Folder: 
JOURNAL#23

a sober moment

a blaze of bloated worry

heed this hail

of such hatched hurry

pinnacle twist

your anger held in defensive fist

the fatted calf

sees the slaughter

in the beginning

as a grand, elaborate party

I hear laughter

oddly mired down

in the misery's mist

strangers here

smell somehow familiar to me

and I feel ill compared

to even my own wits

if I could only spell check

my emotions

and force the blurting

clamor to stop

then

maybe this elusive love illusion

wouldn't seem so

damn schitzofrenic...........

(June 21, 2000 8pm)

Author's Notes/Comments: 

as in unraveling all the confusion in my head. I felt such a failure and yet I so wanted out. I was tired, numb and empty and wanted to feel again. Feel something real , feel some feeling worth having. I walked around half dead for so long. I wanted to live but living could be so scary. I wanted the divorce but didn't like at all the thought of being a gay divorcee at 32 years old. I was very lonely.

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