PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I matured among secrets

for a vast collection of experienced moments

and never knew of their staggering reality

while snippets of carved up truth lay bleeding

from the ever present festering familial wounds

at the tenderest stage

that of my early teething

the man who was my father

slipped out of my toddler life

leaving me empty

in the shadows of girlhood

unaware

it wasn't until the age of eight

I was to learn that he was permanently 'resting'

in a nearby old, unkempt cemetery

shorn of dreams of his ever returning home

I cried myself to sleep a lot up to the age of

nine

the grieving so pin pointed and fresh

lost entirely in that vacant feeling of being

forever fatherless

only to then at the much advanced age of ten

become all too well acquainted with the fact

of my illegitimacy

at twelve, the height of my hoola hoops and

Barbie dolls bonanza of play

my eldest, most beloved sister violently revealed

to the family that she had a child's mind and

needs sandwiched in between a few psychotic

tendencies

Imagine that!

the eldest became the youngest

mentally now

she junior to me

change came this time with such a high emotional fee

at the surge of documentable puberty

the boy I called my brother abandoned his family

for the excitement of the Naval sea

taking all his young aggression, rage and ugliness

with him

for that I cheered most thankfully

to help adjust

we removed the dried flecks of Barbersol from the

bathroom's basin

leaving four essentially different but chromsomally

linked individuals coexisting in a silent, odd, gregarious affection

personalities smirked and flinched with a lot of

disillusionment and anger building up

like the San Andreas Fault

just waiting to be addressed

by the all too human Richter Scale that which was

my mother and so

I evolved out of all that love, hate, murk and mess

a deep, complex, sardonic, needy woman

sweet disposition

cloaking a rather shoddy self esteem

all wrapped up in the ribbons of surprising wit

and infectious mirth

shameless

blameless

yet still ever searching

woman incarnate

with a husband now

who holds me by my soul

I, in my calamity of curses

somehow came away blessed

the once rocky foundation

metamorphisized into the finest gild of gold

layered by intelligence and jest

allowing the poet in me to come tumbling out

pent up with a specific voice

altering the perspective of all that was endured

and now I know

with no doubt to be spent

that I am so much more

than my environment could have ever hoped to

inspire

I am pure silk made from but the roughest wool

a child of light

here

a grateful student

attending Life's Living School.............

(written Sept. 18, 2002 11pm)